Dear Christine,
My wife of 40 years, who also happened to be my very best friend and confidante, passed away in December of 2009.
I was hurt, heartbroken, devastated, but also realized that I must be realistic. I was 60 years old at the time, healthy, still virile and enjoyed life despite my loss.
Just over three months after my dear wife’s death I needed to relax a bit and I also wanted to enjoy the company of a female all over again.
I went abroad and met a really lovely woman whom I started to date. We would go to dinner, have long talks, enjoy a glass of wine every now and then.
I soon realized that we had quite a lot in common. Our affection for each other grew during the three months that I was overseas and we both realized that we were falling in love with each other. This woman was ten years my junior.
When I returned home from my travels, I discussed my new-found friend with my daughters, and they both agreed that I should not be dating anyone so soon after their mother’s death. However, in spite of their objection and interference, I kept in contact with my friend. She visited me at home and stayed with me for a month, before I asked her to marry me.
I am a man of some wealth and so I gave my daughters their share of the family’s inheritances to allay their fears that my new wife would get what they felt was all theirs.
Despite this, they continued to drive a wedge between my wife and me. My wife could not handle the confrontations and bad vibes. She said she was not accustomed to such friction (she had previously been married for five years) and so we argued a lot. She eventually asked me for a divorce. That was two years after our marriage.
Three years later, I am now dating another woman, whom I have grown to love deeply. We have been friends for over a year and have never been sexually involved. I want to marry this woman, but my daughters are opposing such a union – all over again. This woman is also from abroad and plans to visit for two months. She is 58 years old.
As far as my daughters are concerned, I don’t need a friend, companion or wife. They are worried that someone besides them will get whatever I have left. They tell me I don’t need anyone; just our family is enough. I love my grandchildren, but to be honest, I don’t need my children running my life.
Christine, this woman is great fun to be with. She is loving, kind, owns her own business and home, and has one adult son from a previous marriage. She is also a widow.
Christine, I do not want to put her through what my second wife went through, and I am thinking about packing up and leaving the country. What are your thoughts?
– Charles
Dear Charles,
I am supporting you 100 per cent. Your daughters cannot run your life and theirs and you should not expect them to. I doubt very much that they will ever accept another woman in your life and it is unfortunate that your second wife had to take such drastic measures to get them from out of her life.
Do not sacrifice your relationship and happiness with someone else for the sake of two selfish daughters who should be happy that you’ve found someone with whom you can share your twilight years.
However, unless they come to terms with the fact that you still have your life to live, the relationship between you and them, as well as with your grandchildren, could be affected.
I believe therefore that while, on the one hand, distance will perhaps make it easier for your intended, it could drive another wedge between your relationship with your daughters and grandchildren.
However, if you know you’ve already done your best for your children, don’t allow their indifference to affect your happiness.
– CHRISTINE
