Dear Christine,
First let me say that this letter-writer is not from your country, but the advice you give would be useful.
Some people go about their marriages in some of the “not-so-smart ways” especially when they know they are having “outside affairs”.
They are those who because they are not so smart, are caught by their spouses because they carelessly leave telephone numbers, hotel keys, receipts and other forms of evidence in their skirt, pants and shirt pockets, or even in their wallets.
I am often intrigued also by women and men who search their spouses’ cellphones, bags, vehicles and so on looking for some sort of evidence to prove their partners are indeed unfaithful to them.
My advice is to leave well alone, unless you think you’re in danger of losing your spouse to someone else.
You are probably wondering why I am saying all this.
Here’s the reason: I have been a happily married man for more than 20 years. However, for the past eight years I have had a male lover who is also married. Neither of us intends to leave our families. In any case, what would our wives gain if they knew about us?
It would destroy their lives, the lives of our children and the lives of their respective extended families.
Our affair shows that things can be kept under cap and no one gets hurt.
– B.B.
Dear B.B.,
Your confession smacks of unfaithfulness and deceit, and while those families involved are not aware of this relationship, each day you and your “lover” are living a lie before your families – obviously with neither you nor his conscience getting in the way.
Carrying around secrets such as yours and living such double lives are unhealthy for all involved – whether or not all parties are aware of the relationship.
You have asked the question: “What would our wives gain if they knew about us?”
They would at least be in the position to decide for themselves if they wanted to spend the rest of their lives sharing their husbands with same-sex partners.
They would also be in a better position to have a say concerning their health and those of their children.
What you’re both doing to your families is sad. So sad!
– CHRISTINE
