Sunday, April 21, 2024

Daughter friendly with deadbeat man


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Dear Christine,
My daughter, who is 26 years old, is seeing a man who is 24 years her senior. Now, don’t get me wrong, we have always taught our children that love comes in all shapes, sizes and colours, but this relationship is really bothering me and my husband.
First and foremost, the man does not work and messes around with drugs. He is not once, but twice divorced, and has three grown children and a five-year-old son, from two different women.
I have tried to talk to my daughter about this deadbeat friendship, but she seems unable to see my viewpoint or that of her father.
Christine, my daughter went to a good school and is well educated. She works at a young company for a decent pay, and she lacks nothing from us.
What she does, however, is take her money and spend it on this man – that is when she is not giving him almost all of what is in her pay packet.
My husband and I are wondering if we have done anything wrong along to way which could have caused our daughter to be so blinded by the fact that this man is using her, and that she is his meal ticket.
 To top this all off, he is still sleeping around with the mother of his last child and this woman has allegedly pledged to harm my daughter if she refuses to stop seeing “her man”.
I do not know what to do, or what else I can say to my daughter, who has always been a respectful, young woman.
I have even asked our family priest to talk to her and while she has “heard him out”, as she says, she has not taken any of his advice to heart.
This situation is breaking my heart and I don’t know where else to turn.
– Sad Mother
Dear Sad Mother,
Please, please do not be hard on yourself. The saying that you can take a horse to water but you cannot make him drink is still true.
You can do the best for your daughter and talk to her as much as you like, but she has to make the final decision to change her situation.
In fact, sometimes all we can do for our children is to pray and keep praying. After that, we must leave everything in God’s hands.
At times, our children learn things the hard way and are forced to look back and confess the “foolishness” of their actions. As parents, you may need to take your hands out of the matter and let her learn from “the errors of her ways”.
My main concern in this case would be the alleged threat the mother of this man’s child has made concerning your daughter. You perhaps need to reinforce the seriousness of this to her, above all else.
Believe me when I tell you that you and your husband have done your part. Your daughter is an adult and is now fully responsible for her actions.


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