It started out as blind love, but in the ten years since Donna and David Francis made the trip to the altar the principles they embraced from day one have opened up their eyes to the joys of a happy marriage.
The two met on an Internet dating site, David a single man in his mid30s and Donna a mother of two young daughters, then just 30. Dispelling the doubt expressed by their friends about the future of such a marriage, they both supported the idea of turning to social media to find a partner.
Cuddling up against each other on a comfortable couch in their St Philip home, the Barbadian and her Bermudian husband repeatedly reinforced each other’s thoughts as they told about a courtship that started with the click of a mouse.
“I am not traditional,” David said. “I remember being at home and surrounded by women in Bermuda but for some reason none of them seemed suitable for me. They used to tell me I am too picky. So I said, ‘I am a Christian and I went on Christian Café and met people from all over the world, but none of them were suitable for me.”
What caught his eye was the profile posted by a woman from Barbados. The profile had no photograph but a description of a woman who clearly “came out of herself”.
In her quest to find a husband Donna had written “ . . . life is to be lived and if I meet the right person that believes in reciprocity and a God-fearing man who believes in the exclusivity of a relationship I would even get down on my knees and ask him to marry me.”
Donna had turned to the dating site to find the man to whom she wanted to devote her life in marriage.
“I had two kids, I was not married and I did not want to be another statistic. I had dated guys from here and Internet dating was becoming known and I wanted to explore,” the attractive mother of three told Easy.
? “I wanted to get married to a good, God-fearing Christian man. I did not just want any man. I remember talking to God and saying I can settle with anything except infidelity because that is one thing I just cannot deal with.”
Across the ocean those words caught David’s eyes and he could only ask himself “Lord, does such a woman really exist?”
“She came out of herself. It was not what can you do for me . . . . It was not like the world revolves around me and if you are coming into my life you must bring something.” He was enticed by the profile.
Embracing his wife he laughed as he recalled saying to himself, “This woman does not sound real” and to find out he tried to get in contact with her. But Donna’s trial membership of the dating website had expired, and when she received an email from the site indicating someone wanted to purchase membership for her, she replied.
“I thought what it would cost to respond. So I replied ‘yes’, and within half an hour I got another e-mail saying ‘Congratulations. You have three months free membership.” In her in-box she found about three or four messages from the same mysterious man.
At this point David jumped in: “I said at the cost of a simple date, $30 or $40 was the least I could spend to meet somebody.”
Thus began “a lot of communication” between the two. The astronomical telephone bills for calls made to each other several times a day still make them smile.
And David pointed out, “The more we talked the more we learnt about each other. And the more I found out how she thinks, the more I found out how I thought, how I felt, our views on life and family and I said I am comfortable with the conversation.”
Still he had to put a face on the talk and with Donna accepting his request to come to Barbados to meet her to “find out if everything she was telling me was factual,” he arrived here for a holiday reassured by her promise, “Even if you come down for a visit and we don’t get along I will still make sure you have a wonderful vacation.”
That was October, four months after they had connected. David came and found the meeting with Donna and her family to be “everything just like she said” and he wasted no time reciprocating. He invited her to Bermuda because “I wanted to see how she interacted with my circle.” She did not disappoint.
In her he immediately saw the wife he often used to tell the people at church about; the woman who would bear him the son he had named Josiah even before he had found the mother.
The thought that David may have been concerned that she could be bringing the baggage of a past relationship that included two children into a marriage did arise in Donna’s mind.
It was “one of the things that I am sure that he thought would have been a problem, because I had two kids before I met him. He was anxious to see how I communicated and reacted with the father to make sure there were no little things going on there.”
But any such thoughts were dispelled as David observed Donna’s behaviour around the father of her children.
Just as he did throughout the interview, David once again affirmed his wife, saying “she being as elegant as she is, she is very diplomatic. It was always above board. I always liked the way she handled her former partner – the respect. So she gave me the confidence not to be uneasy in the situation”.
The couple continues to maintain that high level of respect for each other, as David said, “You teach people how to treat you . . . . If I sow love in her, she is going to multiply love and give it back to me. If I sow trust in her she is going to multiply trust. Whatever I sow in her she is going to respond to it and give it back to me.”
That they wasted little time on the decision to get married may have been a problem for people on the outside who determined that they got hitched too soon.
David stressed, however, “I would rather get to know her as my wife than get to know her as my girlfriend. Some people get married, they spend ten years together and then something stupid comes across and breaks them up and that’s ten years of relationship going down the drain. But if I get to know her as my wife, I am getting to know my wife, this wonderful woman, every single day.”
The words “My wife” pervaded the interview. “God tells me pick one, pick a wife and I will add to you if you just pick one. Be satisfied with one.”
Like teenagers in love, they still call each other several times during the day and sneak lunch dates alone in the intimacy of their vehicle. Donna no longer indulges in the high profile social life, preferring instead to be at home with David and their family, and doing things together.
“I enjoy being married. From growing up I always wanted to be married, to be settled with a family. Now that I am, I have got to give of my best to make it work.” It is a part of the marriage that makes David feel fulfilled in his choice of a wife.
Also, that she bore him the son he had “prophesied about” was “awesome.”
“To be in love with a woman and then see a woman that you have invested your life with, become pregnant with child and to see all the transformation and then be there by her side, to see her give birth to this life.”
His nine-year-old son Josiah Francis, enjoys the showers of love in the same way David adores his 13-year-old step-daughters Rodonya Clarke and 22-year-old Shaneece Roach.
From faceless correspondents on an Internet dating site Donna and David have meshed as a happy couple who continue to delight in each other.
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