Friday, April 19, 2024

LOOKA LEW: Why centipedes?


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Daddy come quick, a centipede in my bedroom!
That was the frantic scream of my oldest daughter, who rushed into my room with this breaking news story. And the first thing I ask her is, why she aint kill it. Her answer was that she frighten for it. Well I pointed out to her, that by the time we get back to her room it might be gone, and if we can’t find it, it gine mean we will have to move and sell the house, cause I wouldn’t be gine back in that house. Anyhow, I took up a weapon (one of my size 10 shoes) and headed to her room in search of this centipede.
So I walking in front armed with a shoe, and she half mile behind me tiptoeing. We get to the room and I ask her to show me this centipede. Now hear this, she gine peep through the door and point to a part of the floor telling me it was over there.
Was? How you mean was? So I paused by the door and peep around the room, then I raised up the shoe just above shoulder level, cause I was prepared to strike if I happen to see it.
So picture this, the house deadly quiet, my daughter behind me looking over my shoulder and I at the bedroom door crouched and peeping around with a shoe up in the air, and all of a sudden the shoe lace touch me in my neck.
I aint got to tell you that I broke Usain Bolt’s world record, cause when that shoe lace touch me in my neck, I thought it was the centipede, I drop the shoe and took off running, and believe me, I run so fast it took my shadow five minutes to catch up with me. Seriously, I thought that the centipede had lowered itself from the ceiling like a Ninja to attack me. I aint shame to tell you, I scream like a woman giving birth to triplets.
Anyhow, after realising it was the shoe lace that touched me, I returned to the room, where I found the centipede in a corner sleeping. Two swift lashes and a grind up with the shoe and that fella was in centipede heaven.
But I study this centipede thing, and I blaming this fella Noah for the centipedes that we got bout here. Cause back then, God said he was gine flood the whole earth and he asked Noah to build an ark and put two of every living things on earth on board.
Noah put on chickens, them does lay eggs, so I comfortable with that. He put on cows, them does give milk and give we beef, beef good for making rotis, so I good with that. He also put on pigs, them does give we ham and good for souse, so well done Noah.
But then out of a clear blue sky, (well maybe overcast cause bad weather was expected), Noah decide that he bringing aboard two centipedes – a man and woman. Now I know that Noah’s wife ain’t had no say in that decision, cause them aint got a woman on earth who would sit back and let her husband bring a centipede, furthermore two centipedes in her house.
And if that wasn’t enough, all like now I still wondering what she said, when after bringing aboard them two centipedes, he turned up the next day and told her to make room for two cockroaches.
See ya!


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