Dear Christine,
These are days when we have to be realistic about going to bed with a man or woman who goes to bed with more than one partner. This is like attempting suicide and God does not condone suicide.
As a woman I see nothing dignified or intelligent about getting back a man who has had affairs with every Mary, Sue or Sally.
Maybe you are wondering what I am speaking about, so let me explain.
The church teaches us morals that are good, but humans err. If we all followed the church’s teachings we would have a near perfect world.
The church believes in the institution of marriage where one man has one woman, and a woman has one man. This institution also tries to keep husbands and wives together when a marriage is under pressure.
However, in today’s world with all the scientific knowledge available, I question the wisdom in anyone telling a woman whose husband has outside women to try to keep the marriage going or continue to fight for “her man”.
Wouldn’t the advisor in fact be telling the woman to risk her life, even if she gets AIDS? Really, the person who gives such advice is in fact telling the wife her life is not that important; the important thing is not to get a divorce.
Some say that the couple should stay together for the children’s sake. I wonder what would happen to the children should both parents die?
The church’s teachings will always be good and God has also given wisdom to those who educate us about safe sex and having one partner. What do you say, Christine?
– T.W.
Dear T.W.,
I would say this much: if every wife or husband simply decides to dump their respective partners because of unfaithfulness, the divorce rate would be significantly higher than it is right now, and there would be no need for the word “forgive” to be part of the English language.
The truth is, we all make mistakes of one sort or the other, and sometimes we have to learn the hard way. I am not condoning adultery in any sense of the word, but because we live in an imperfect world and man does not necessarily follow God’s given commandments, sexual sin is prevalent.
Most women who write about their husbands straying are women who are obviously hoping for a reconciliation.
I am sure they know the risks involved in welcoming a man who has been with other partners, but those are the kind of risks women in love or women with family responsibilities are willing to take.
I can only hope for their sakes that their straying mates have escaped infection. It is not my place to dictate a separation.
I thank you for your letter, and I am quite aware that I cannot and will never have the last word on everything.
Your opinion could well be the one that is more acceptable to women who write about their woes with straying husbands.
– CHRISTINE