Monday, April 15, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: I love outside man, despite the blows

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Dear Christine,

I am 43 years old and my life is very confused.

I have lived abroad for the past two years and in April of this year I met a man whom I started talking to. Soon after, he decided to move in with me.

Everything was all right at the beginning, but now I find that whenever we have a noise, he’ll say things like my husband doesn’t want me and that is why my husband had to run and leave me.

This man knows my husband still loves me and wants me back home. In all my husband’s correspondence he always mentions how he feels about me and asks that the two of us be together again.

My husband still lives in Barbados and we correspond every week.

Christine, I do love this man and wish he would stop cursing me and beating me up.

My husband never beat me in all the years we’ve been together, and this man is always hitting me. I promised the next time to go to the cops for him.

His friends envy him for me and they get on the telephone and advise me to leave him, but I still love him. Please give me your advice.

– O.M.

Dear O.M.,

As I was reading your letter so many things were going through my thoughts.

I was wondering, for instance, if you’re right in your head. Then when I saw the initials O.M., I wondered if they had anything to do with being out of your mind.

I also was wondering what your husband, who never ill-treated you, could have done to make you leave him for a man who verbally and physically abuses you. Then the phrase “you know what you have but you don’t know what you gine get” came to mind also.

You’ve just got me thinking because I am wondering what kind of person you are to complicate yourself and your husband in such dangerous possibilities; of having the police intervene in a relationship which you have no right to be in in the first place. After all, you’re married.

The “whys” keep going off in my head.

You are headed for a crash of some sort and unless you let go of this man your crash appears to be imminent.

This man abuses you in word and deed and yet you hang on. What for? Don’t you like yourself or your life?

I cannot help you. You’ve got to help yourself and love yourself enough to do so. Don’t you think you have any worth or that you deserve better? I do!

You need to return to the husband who still cares for and wants you. You need to call a spade a spade and admit that this other man is not worthy of you.

If, on the other hand, you want to live your life on the edge, with the possibility of falling off very soon, so be it. I’ll offer my prayers, but the ball is definitely in your court.

– CHRISTINE

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