Dear Christine,
I would like to share the following:
My first reaction when I found out that my wife was cheating on me was that I was going to break every bone in her body.
We had been married for almost four years, with a two-year-old child, when I realised things were not the same between us.
All the little jokes and intimacies had gone, our sex life had deteriorated into an irregular and haphazard sort of affair, and my wife was making absolutely no effort whatsoever with her personal appearance – at least when she was in my presence.
At first I thought that the marriage was beginning to stagnate. The idea of her being involved with another man was, quite frankly, the last thing on my mind. Well, it was until I happened to be using her cellphone at home. This was at her request, since mine needed charging. I saw when this unusual text message came through due to the type of phone she had. I did not have to search the phone. I simply saw the message as it came through.
It left no doubt in my mind that my wife was cheating on me. What was even more disturbing was that the man was considered a mutual friend of ours.
My first reaction was to beat her into a pulp, then go for him. I did neither of the two. I decided to act rationally and asked for an explanation.
That did not go as I thought it would. What actually transpired was a pretty heated exchange in which I and a couple minor indiscretions of the past, were blamed for the entire episode.
Why, my wife reasoned, could she not have an affair, when I had at least three that she knew about, probably more? She wanted to know why we men think that we were the only ones with needs and desires which were not necessarily met within the home environment? Why should women always be the ones to sit at home, wait and wonder where our husbands were?
Of course, everything she said made sense, but that did not alter the fact that my pride had been dealt a staggering blow. I knew then that no power on earth could restore the trust which I once had in my wife. That particular affair ended shortly afterwards.
For the sake of the marriage and the child, we agreed to make a serious effort to patch things up – with no playing around by either of us. We had both hurt each other.
We have been trying to be faithful ever since and even though we now have two other children and to all intents and purposes appear to be an ideal couple, there are some scars that will never heal.
Each time she is out later than usual, I start to wonder where she is and with whom. Whenever she buys herself a new outfit, or says she is going out with the girls (her friends) to the movies, I wonder if she is seeing another man. I always wonder, am I being horned again? Yes, I made some mistakes along the way and made her question my moves as well, but it hurts me each time I think of what she did.
Since trust is an important part of love, I suppose I must concede that I do not really love my wife anymore. She has expressed similar sentiments about her feelings for me.
Nevertheless, we share a house together, a bed together and children together. While we remain together, we are very much apart.
Christine, I am not seeking advice from you. I just want to share this experience so men would know the pain they cause women and see how the affairs they accumulate over the years can sometimes come back to haunt them severely.
If I have my life to live all over again, I don’t think I’ll cheat on my wife like I did. I am not blaming her for what she did, but I know for sure when she cheated on me, I had no ammunition with which to fight back because I was also guilty. It is true that we men can give a horn, but when it comes to receiving one, it’s another ball game altogether.
– Frank
Dear Frank,
Thanks for sharing. I am certain your letter is an eye-opener to men and women generally, and to husbands and wives especially.
– CHRISTINE
