Thursday, April 18, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: My husband’s addicted to porn

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Dear Christine,

I think my husband is addicted to having sex by himself while using porno magazines for stimulation. It is not a case of his becoming aroused by looking at them and then turning to me for sex, but of poring over the books and avoiding me for long periods.

This has been going on for a couple of years. He says he has been addicted to this behaviour since the age of 14 and that it has spoiled every relationship he has had with a woman.

There have been times when he abstained from porno and his lovemaking with me improved. However, he always sneaks the stuff back into the house and slips back into his old ways.

We both pleasure ourselves – it is not a problem for me that he does that. He says he hates being dependent on the magazines the way he is but cannot stop.

Is there such a thing as addiction to porn material?

– B.Y.

Dear B.Y.,

Yes, there is. Some people are also addicted to masturbation. Some people avoid life and retrench into fantasy obsessively. In your case, your lover is avoiding sex with you, retreating into a fantasy sex world that is less demanding in some ways than sharing sex with you.

That is very serious and I would suggest trying to get him to a family life counsellor, if possible.

Be prepared to hear that some change may be required of you as well as of him to improve your life with this man.

He may have a problem with shared sex, but it may be more of a difficulty accepting you as a complete person who has a right to share his life on many levels. In that case, couple counselling may be needed at the start of the counselling sessions.

– CHRISTINE

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