I used to be proud to say that my namesake is the boxing great, Muhammad Ali. That’s because I was ignorant of two things: one; that Boxing Day has nothing do with pugilism and two; that the pugilist swapped his birth name and was retitled by then leader of the Nation of Islam, Elijah Muhammad. So, he really wasn’t “born with it” like Alison Hinds.
Talking about heavyweights, though, I see people posing with the two porkers – Hamlet and Sir Ham-a-Lot – by the Massy Supermarket in Sky Mall. They taking selfies. I need to do that, as soon as they re-open, because I like mihself, like Lil Rick.
Reader, people saying I siding with pigs now, just because last week’s article was on the plight of the piggies. My grandmother (a born Ali) would roll over in her grave. But I must say, the column did get some unnecessary attention.
A church lady from Christ Church wrote to me last Saturday, saying that I “shouldn’t compare pigs to humans.”
I thought that approach a bit pig-headed, but then again, I didn’t coin the descriptive terms.
Her words depressed me a bit, so I pigged out on some fried chicken. But then, I got a new follower
on Twitter from the United Kingdom, selling micro-piggies. I must say, after devouring all that pork over the last two days, I feel macro guilty. (Sorry, @petpeggies!)
Anyway, back to the original point I was trying to make.
I am no longer proud, but elated. This is because after researching the topic over a decade ago, I have convinced all my bosses since 2000, to present me with a gift.
I have therefore received 13 gifts thus far. (I’m clearing my throat here, Andrew Corbin and Don Jordan.) In case you don’t catch my phlegm-freeing hint, Boxing Day is based on the tradition of presenting gifts to employees or tradesmen by employers. I am yet to receive my box for 2014; and look at the time.
Joking aside, I must tell you how warm my heart is to have seen all the expressions of goodwill: the Team Mikey Charity, ICBL staff, PVH Consultants, Digicel and so many more, highlighted over the last week in the Press. Of course, with the yin there is the yang. (All of a sudden, I have the urge for a pedicure). With the light, there is darkness.
To the thieving person(s) who purloined the gifts from the church on Dayrells Road, today is your day. There’s a man – not an Ali – in a Bridgetown alley around ten tonight.
He’ll be wearing a Santa suit and carrying a big red bag. In case you don’t see him, just call out “Knuckles” and he’ll appear, I promise.
His cute, constant companion is a Boxer-Rottweiler mix, named Balls. Balls will be chewing a sirloin steak wearing a gold collar, which you should try taking. Since you don’t know what Christmas means, they’ll help you find out a bit about boxing-day instead.
Veoma Ali is an author, actor, broadcaster, advertising exec, and most important, a karaoke lover.
