“Do two walk together except they make an appointment and have agreed” – Amos 3:3 (Holy Bible)
Over the years I have grown to greatly respect the power of small things and the significant role they play in doing extraordinary things.
In the field of automotive mechanics, the spark plug which is found in the engine of our vehicles arrested my attention as one of those small but very crucial mechanism that is often taken for granted. An experienced mechanic told me that the spark plug’s main role is to ignite the fuel mix in the vehicle’s engine in order to give power for the vehicle to get going and keep going. Without the brightest possible sparks to satisfy the desire of the engine to operate at its optimum, that vehicle is going absolutely nowhere no matter how attractive, how beautiful or how much horsepower it possesses.
That lesson spoke volumes to me as I thought of suggesting to all partners at this time to resolve to give the brightest practical sparks to their relationship. Last week I suggested some ways to be at your brightest as a person by accepting some positive influences into your life and rejecting those negatives that can infect your future growth. Today, deciding to place some bright sparks into the engine of your partner’s life may turn out to be a worthwhile resolution.
In previous articles I disclosed what I call some cornerstones like commitment, communication, covenant, companionship that are like anchors designed to firmly hold your relationship together. These stabilising anchors are like the fuel mix in the engine of your marriage relationship but they need the continual bright sparks to keep them operating at their optimum.
I want therefore to recommend five of the many bright sparks you may consider putting to the test to enhance the glow of your relationship with your partner.
• Give a bright spark of laughter to your partnership. Stress can sometimes be distressing and depressing and can create some sluggishness within the chamber of your marriage relationship; but a strong shot of laughter can keep the stress at bay. Resolve as a couple to find something wholesome at least every day to laugh about especially at the end of a long and stressful day. It could be something about work, about the children, or even yourselves.
I read of a man who said he had developed such protracted stress that his doctors had given up on him. Then one day, according to him, a bright spark went off in his head to search for some material that would make him laugh. He acquired some wholesome videos that caused him to laugh and laugh. Over a period his distress got less and less. Laughter is more than a good medicine, it produces bright sparks for an enriched relationship
• Give bright positive sparks to your partnership. It is the bad news that seem to make news today. Positive ideas and concepts are not often headline items; no wonder so many partners seem to take pleasure in putting down each other rather than highlighting those bright positive sparks that can ignite the latent fuel in their relationship.
I recommend that as partners you privately write out 14 positive “bright sparks” you see in your partner. Do not write out all 14 in one day but at least within a ten-day period. As much as possible, document those bright areas that you may have never revealed to your partner or discussed at length before. Do note that together you will end with 28 bright characteristics to share with each other over an agreed period of time.
If every week you and your partner can decide to reveal one of his/her bright sparks and discuss why you love such radiance, you would have more than six months of giving glowing sparks to each other. It may be amazing to see the short and long term results. My wife and I will put this experiment to the test this year.
• Give a bright public spark to your partnership. It has been my observation over the years that some partners, especially after marriage, appear to feel more comfortable in going and doing things as lone rangers or with other individuals, than to be seen in public with their spouses. Considering physical and other challenges, resolve to brighten up your relationship by planning to let others see the love of your life.
As a partner, never give people the impression that you are a single person with a vacancy tag attached to you. Whenever in public, whether in a formal or informal setting and the opportunity arises to introduce your partner, do it joyfully and confidently and always remember to mention your partner’s name. Such a bright spark can go a long way in adding mileage to your relationship.
• Give a bright private spark to your partnership. Plan times when you and your partner need to cut out all distractions and just be together. These intimate moments need not be sexual, although that pleasure should not be ruled out, but more so moments of closeness that quietly expose the secrets of the heart that are sometimes too emotionally complex to put in any language. These sparks make partnership a worthwhile wonder.
• Give bright surprise sparks to your partnership. Doing something out of the ordinary and out-of-season (not birthday, anniversary, Valentine, Christmas) can be an added incentive for an excellent performance of your partnership. If each of you can think about four creative things with which you can surprise your partner for the year, it may produce a stronger forward thrust within your relationship. These creative sparks should be fresh and new or something you have not done for years, but they made your partner extremely ecstatic. It could be funny, fashionable or just friendly. It need not be expensive or involve cash at all; but meaningful and really surprising.
Resolving to being at your brightest as a partner this year may give your relationship the kind of definition and development for which you were seeking for a long time. Keep “sparking” away.
Next week, being at your brightest as a parent will be tackled.
Reverend Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email [email protected].
