THEM GOT THREE THINGS IN LIFE that I don’t trust: one is centipedes, one is pit bulls, and the last one is lawyers.
Seriously, last year a centipede left where he live, came into my bed, crawled into my underwear and proceeded to inflict grievous bodily harm on the family jewels. I never felt pain like that in my life. I telling you, that centipede had to be wearing false teeth, ’cause it wasn’t no normal bite that he give me.
In fact, up to now I does still argue that the fella ain’t bite me – it felt more like he put the twin boys on a table hit them hard with a hammer, then poured gasoline on them and light them with a match. So yes, I don’t trust centipedes.
And regardless to those beasts called pit bulls, I don’t even like to see them. To me, if a bull cow and a hearse had a child, it would look like a pit bull, cause a pit bull does look like a cross between a bull cow and a hearse.
Plus I know I is to keep far from them animals, because I have seen enough bloodied photos of people, even li’l children, who were just standing minding their own business, when a pit bull decided that he was bored and he wanted to see what their ears or knee caps tasted like.
Listen, it so bad that if I driving and I see somebody walking the road with a pit bull, I does roll up my car windows and make sure the doors locked, just in case the dog decides he wanta come in the car for a snack box, which basically means to come in the car to eat my nose and bite off my lips. So I don’t trust pit bulls neither.
But I gine tell you something: if I had to win the lotto and was afraid to collect it myself, I like I would prefer to send a centipede or pit bull first to collect my money before I send a lawyer.
Honestly, I know all aren’t the same, but I just don’t trust lawyers, especially when it comes to dealing with money.
And guess what? I ain’t alone, ’cause nuff Bajans don’t trust them neither. Ask any Bajan if you doubt me.
But why is this? I think it is because too often we hear or read stories in the papers about lawyers who collected thousands of dollars on behalf of clients, either through insurance claims or property sales and then the same clients can’t get their money from the lawyers.
I have heard stories about people who were waiting to be paid out from insurance companies, and every time they ask their lawyer what gine on with the money, they get the runaround ’bout the insurance company ain’t release the money yet.
It is only after being frustrated for years, that when they do their own investigations they discover that the insurance company give the lawyer the money long ago. They then have to find another lawyer to get their money from the lawyer. Them kinda things can’t be right.
And when you check the people who does be suffering waiting for their money, it does usually be a lot of old people or poor people.
That is why if I win the lotto I gine for my money myself, ’cause if I have to send a lawyer for it, I would gently have to remind him that I got two collins in at me. One is a dictionary, the other is not. See ya.
E-mail: madderic@hotmail.com. Twitter@madderic