Dear Christine,
I AM in my mid-40s and have been seeing a man who is ten years my junior for the past five months. Everything was going great for us until his ex-wife discovered that he was seeing someone else.
She has been making my life a living hell. He was married to her for just two years and for what I know about the situation, she was cheating on him from day one. They finally divorced last August. We met three weeks after his divorce was final.
I am an independent woman with one grown son, who resides abroad. I have never been married but I know the role a mother plays in the lives of her children. My friend has two children with this woman, which means they have to be in contact with each other – perhaps every day, since he takes the children to and from school. However, she gets really mad if any of the children are around me.
Christine, one day when he was due to drop the children home from school, I was in his vehicle. I have my own vehicle but since we had gone to lunch that day, I was with him when he went to collect the youngest son, who is four years old. The other child is five. This will give you an idea of how long they were together.
This woman ranted and raved about how she had told him before never to bring me to her house, etcetera. Christine, I was never in her home. I was merely sitting in the car which was parked in the driveway.
Just after this, she called my place of work to tell me she hopes I have nothing to do with her children.
Christine, I have never been one to make a fuss or to curse or get on loud in public. I do not understand this woman’s problem. Why should she be calling my workplace? I have not done her anything – good or bad. That is not the right way for a mature woman to behave.
I have told my friend that I dislike these repeated outbursts and I am willing to break off our relationship because usually I live a very quiet life. He has tried talking to her about her behaviour but she has not changed. Right now I am contemplating going to the police about her “harassment”.
One would think Christine, that if they are divorced, why should she be so concerned about whom he sees? Christine, we have not even been sexually involved up to this stage.
I need your advice as quickly as possible.
– M.B.
Dear M.B.,
This woman seems bent to get some kind of revenge for her broken marriage. It’s just that you are the one who is seeing her ex-husband and so, unfortunately, you are in the place to receive verbal abuse from her.
I cannot tell you whether or not you should bring the friendship between you and this young man to an end. Only you can make that decision. What I can advise you to do is to speak to the police if the “harassment” is getting out of hand – especially concerning the telephone calls to your workplace.
I see no reason why she is subjecting you to such behaviour. One must ask if the relationship between this man and his wife ended on a bitter note. Perhaps it did, when one considers that they were together for over five years, based on the ages of the children, but only legally married for two years.
Something must have gone terribly wrong – apart from the cheating on her part.
Before you make that call to the police, be sure to inform your friend that you will be calling. In that way there will be no surprises for him.
I will say this much though. If you are not happy within the present environment, you will have to consider what’s best for you, your health and peace of mind. In other words, do what you need to do for you.
– CHRISTINE