Sunday, April 14, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s pressuring me to marry


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Dear Christine,

I AM 19 YEARS OLD and have known my boyfriend for the past three years. He is 24.

However, we have only been seeing each other seriously for the past six months and he says he wants to marry me. I told him yes, that I will, but that we must take things slowly. Recently he has been hinting about getting engaged and possibly marrying in 2016.

My boyfriend is dear to me and I love him but I still believe that I should keep my options open. I’ve told him that I am still very young and would like to meet more people and possibly date other guys before settling down.

He has told me that if I go out with other guys, he will break up with me.

I want to be certain that he is the right person and that I will be doing the right thing when we marry. I want to spend the rest of my life with the man I marry. I don’t want to have any regrets.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t started dating him because I feel too young to be engaged or married. I love this man dearly and do not want to break his heart.

Right now I feel like I am going to mess up this relationship. Why do I still believe that I must wait to be sure? Is this an indication that he is not the one?

– CP

Dear CP,

Perhaps it would have been much better if you had been absolutely honest with your boyfriend from the beginning. I do not get the impression that you are ready to commit and you should tell him this. Having said that, there is also nothing wrong with waiting.

He may be pressuring you because he is afraid that if you start dating others, he won’t measure up. For both your sakes, tell him that you are not ready to make the kind of commitment he is demanding. He may not want to hear this but you would be telling him the truth. 

If he truly loves you, he’ll understand and give you the space you need right now. If he walks away from the relationship, don’t blame yourself. At least you would have spoken what’s on your mind. You cannot be responsible for his actions. Who knows, he might probably have a change of heart anyway.

On the other hand, if he does not, it was never real love in the first place.



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