Kerriann Bowen wants nothing more than for her two daughters to have a normal life.
Having been married to Reverend Davidson Bowen for ten years – they celebrated their anniversary May 21 – Kerriann told EASY magazine that she has learnt how to cope with his duties as a priest in the Anglican church, the expectations of a subset of people who have certain expectations from her as a reverend’s wife, and raising their daughters – Calista, eight, and Caitlyn, four – in today’s society.
Both Kerriann and Davidson grew up in the Anglican Church and she was familiar with the duties and roles that the priest and his wife have. When they got married he was a young deacon and together they have grown in the church and as a couple, finding their way in this world like any average couple.
Theirs is a relationship filled with love (for each other and their daughters), household chores, bills, spirituality, quarrels, understanding and patience.
Davidson was recently installed as the rector of St Luke’s Church in St George. Before that he was the priest in charge at St Philip-the-Less in Boscobel, St Peter.
So, what it is like being married to a priest?
“It has its good days and its off days and there are times when you feel as though you’re constantly going. I am not involved in everything in the church. I try to get involved in things that interest me or if he asks me to get involved in something specific.
“If help is needed in any area then I would try to help but there is no one thing I focus on. It is hard to get involved in everything with the two girls.
“The older members of the church tend to expect me to be involved in organisations or join them, so sometimes they’re a bit disappointed if I don’t . . . . In days of yore the priest’s wife would lead an organisation and be involved in several things and the perception is still there among the older generation.”
She said that while she respects traditions and the norms of the church, consideration could be given to priests’ wives as individuals, women who have their own personalities and interests.
Being a priest it isn’t always easy on their family life and to their young children he is daddy first and foremost.
Kerriann said that while Calista has a better understanding now, Caitlyn still wants her daddy to take her to outings such as the beach on those picture perfect days while sometimes he is tending to his parishioners or other priestly duties.
“I find that they are more alert and aware than we were as children. I find they notice a lot more. Children in this era are exposed to a lot more from early. For example, wherever we go Caitlyn always asks which parish we’re in no matter if it’s morning or evening. St Philip is ‘we’re leaving home’, St George is where her daddy’s church is and then she says the next parish is ‘my school’.
“They like to anticipate things for you and they are always learning. They are inquisitive and always asking questions. They are aware their father is a priest although initially they were not, they just knew their daddy was different and they were different. When Calista was younger, she knew he was different but Caitlyn, at her age knows that her daddy is a priest because of the experiences of her older sister,” Kerriann said.
Stories abound about priests’ children and she has heard several but she is determined not to fit her daughters into any moulds because as she said, “they are children and still learning and growing”.
“Initially I was worried but not anymore. I found that because I knew people were always watching us, I would sit in church and I would tell Calista ‘don’t do that’ and ‘stop talking’ because people were watching us but then I reasoned ‘Kerriann, she’s still a child and this is a stage and phase that she has to go through’ and so, I stopped that.
“They are children and they have to be children. They will make mistakes and do wrong things so I don’t stifle them . . . . I just let them be. Being a child of a priest, people will always be watching and judging them. I want them to be comfortable in their own skin and do their own thing regardless of who’s watching and pointing, so I’m starting from now.”
Kerriann isn’t referring to being noisy, disrespectful or rude as she and her husband do not tolerate that negative behaviour. She means letting the girls be involved in activities they want to and doing things that interest them.
Furthermore, her disciplinary methods or stern warnings are not laced with religion.
“Raising them is no different than other parents. I find that when I talk to them, discipline them, guide or explain something to them, I try to base it on what I was taught growing up which is no different. My mother wasn’t a priest, my father wasn’t a priest and it is automatic that I do the same and the fact that Davidson is a priest, sometimes that doesn’t come into play,” she said.
Kerriann is aware of the scrutiny she is under not only from the congregation but people generally. She recounted stories where people who spoke and interacted with her one day treated her differently the next after they found out her husband was a priest but she takes it all in stride.
“As a young person I can’t fit into the mould they have of a priest’s wife. From where I sit, people look at the way I dress, my facial expressions. Some expect me to wear shawls, jackets, hats and that is not me and most priests’ wives these days. Some people still expect a docile woman.
“I’ve had experiences being judged and assumptions drawn. They would ask Davidson things,” she said as she recounted two experiences. “If people took the time to talk to me and get to know me they would be surprised at the things I can do”.
Having said all of that, Kerriann said they could not raise their daughters without the strong family support they have. She said both their families have stepped in when needed and they are truly grateful.
As they continue to grow as individuals and parents, the preacher’s wife said they would continue to love God, love each other and their family, to be a normal as they are and provide a warm, loving home for their daughters. (Green Bananas Media)