Dear Christine,
THE MAN that I am living with has a wife and three children. My parents do not know this.
From the time we started seeing each other, he said he was going to leave his wife, divorce her and we would get married. That was three years ago.
How can I believe this when I’ve heard that he and his wife are expecting another child?
I am so unhappy and frightened over what my parents are going to say when they hear that I am also expecting a baby for him.
Please help me. – C
Dear C,
As I read your letter, the words of Gabby’s song came to mind: “You got de ring, I got de real thing . . . .”
In your case, however, I honestly do not know who has the real thing since both of you could well be pregnant for this two-timer who is eating the cake from one hand and the icing from the other. Way back then he would have been called “a real hard seed”.
I am sure you are wondering where you fit into the scheme of things. You may not be sure and I am not either.
What I can tell you is you have no legal right to a man who is married and you’re 100 per cent wrong to be living with him.
First, the fact that you are hiding knowledge about your living arrangements from your parents tells me quite clearly that you know what you are doing is wrong.
Second, have you sought to find out from him if what you’ve heard is true? Is the wife’s child his? Have you confronted him about your own pregnancy?
Third, ask yourself the following question: What have I got from him, apart from unhappiness, fear and now a baby who will have to live with the consequences of my actions?
You really do not need to be dealing with all this in your life right now.
Going forward, you’ll first have to tell your parents about the baby and the fact that this man is married. You will also have to find the strength to let go of him and give him the freedom to return to his wife.
If he does not want to, and is willing to stick with you, then he needs to file for that divorce.
However, if the tables do not turn in your favour, consider it a positive and not a negative. If he cheated on his wife, he will cheat on you also.
Let this episode of your life be a lesson to you.
The world is not going to end. God will give you the strength to start life on a new footing and some day you will find someone who is free, who will love you and whom you can love without all the drama, heartache and pain.
– CHRISTINE
