Dear Christine,
GREETINGS! I hope all is well with you. I also hope you can help me and that you do not judge me after I’ve written what I am about to write.
I am 22 years old and have had only two boyfriends in my lifetime. I loved my first boyfriend and I knew he loved me too. We always had a good time together.
When he visited my home he would talk to my family and everybody liked him. My problem, however, was his lovemaking. I did not like it. I am very shy and did not want to embarrass him; so I did not tell him how I really felt about it.
Due to circumstances beyond his control, he said he could not provide a home for us right away but that he loved me and wanted to marry me. I got a bit impatient and fed up and so I left him.
Sometime after, I met my second boyfriend. From the time I met him I was not happy once. He forces me into doing things I do not want to do. When he visits my family’s home, he hardly speaks to them and just wants to lie around or watch his favourite channels on television.
I like his lovemaking and that is about the only thing I like about him. However, if for once I do not want to make love, he gets vexed and annoyed. Do you think this is right?
I know he runs around with other women and often he insults me about one thing or another. This is also not fair.
Despite all of this, he has asked me to marry him. It is true that I want to get married, but I do not think I’ll be happy with him.
I am now keenly aware of the fact that I still love my first boyfriend; at least he treated well. He told me I made a mistake when I left him and he wanted me back. I know if it was him who had asked me to marry him, I would have said “yes”, without hesitation. What should I do?
– Unsure
Dear Unsure,
Getting married is a serious step which cannot be taken lightly. You have left me to wonder whether you are really in love with any of these guys. My advice would be to wait a while before you make any decision. Don’t get married just for the sake of getting married.
If you’re purchasing material to get a proper dress made for a wedding, you’re not likely to choose the everyday kind of polyester material that can be worn around the house. In the same vein, boyfriend No. 2 does not seem like wedding material to me. You’ve already said that he runs around and that you only love him for his lovemaking. That is not a good enough reason to marry.
As for boyfriend No. 1, remember that you never liked his lovemaking. Do you think you will like it after marriage?
Ask yourself the questions: Do you want a lover who is not ready for marriage or, marriage to a man whose lovemaking you like but with whom you have nothing else in common?
Now that these differences have been spelt out for you, the choice is up to you. If I were in your position, I’ll say goodbye to both and wait until “the right fit” comes along. You’re yet young. Don’t make a mistake that will ruin you for the rest of your life.
– CHRISTINE