Dear Christine,
I HAVE BEEN SEEING one man for the past five years and we have become very close. After about 18 months of the relationship we decided to move in together and have rented a house since then.
We have bought a number of things together ranging from furniture to household appliances. We have tried to save and have even gone on two overseas holidays together as well as a cruise. I have a relatively good job and the same can be said of his line of work.
We have no children and as I approach the 30s I am beginning to feel now is the time for me to start having children. I have spoken to my boyfriend on the subject and he has indicated that he is not quite ready as he would like us to put a number of other things in place first. He has listed them as having our own house and some additional savings. He has just turned 30.
There are two things which are bothering me. His mother, who recently retired, has insisted that he is too young to get married and keeps saying that he should be 35 years or older. She has also been saying that he should also only marry a woman that is a virgin.
My boyfriend is attached to his mother. His sister who is very close to me has described her mother’s comments as foolishness saying that she never placed such rules on the tables for either of her daughters while another son, who does as he feels like and is not considered a success as my boyfriend and another brother, has done contrary.
I believe my boyfriend has followed his mother’s instruction to the letter and does not want to tell me otherwise. I have been living with him long enough and quite frankly want a ring on my finger.
We are happy at the moment but could be a lot happier with marriage, children and a house.
– Cherry Plum
Dear Cherry Plum,
You may have made a mistake moving into a house with your boyfriend before getting that commitment you want to marriage. You have already taken some bold steps and I hope that you have all the details properly sorted out as it relates to the purchases you have made together, otherwise you may find it rather messy if you go your separate ways.
Your boyfriend must have an independent mind and position at his age and not be guided by his mother. He is clearly old enough to come to his own decisions.
If he can find it tolerable to live with you then if you are both so in love with each other then he can take the next step.
As for his mother’s suggestion that his wife must be a virgin, well you need to speak to your boyfriend on not letting anyone get into his affairs to cause unnecessary problems.
– Christine
