On Friday I went into a meeting to discuss the Central Bank’s upcoming Billion Dollar Dreams event for young entrepreneurs.
While we all intended to discuss the finalised plans and go away feeling confident about the upcoming event, I did not expect that I would also be leaving our meeting considering a new modus operandi with reference to love and relationships.
This new perspective was presented by Miss Novaline Brewster and Miss Arlene Mose.
As a single 28-year-old, I, like many of my female peers am often hit with the question, “Why you don’t have a boyfriend?” Whilst I have written on this before and expanded on all the fundamental reasons why my philosophy is and continues to be “Before any, none”, I also might be single because I have failed to apply any of the rules suggested by Miss Brewster and Miss Mose.
Many of us have these stipulations about what men should and should not do. For many of us, there is no grey area with regards to relationships. Our ideals and expectations are perhaps too rigid. As Miss Brewster said, “You have to be more open-minded and not be afraid to be vulnerable.”
Human beings abhor rejection and as a result this insecurity prevents many from showing signs of vulnerability as we fear being perceived as helpless, exposed and weak. However, as the saying goes, “You have to give to get”. We cannot expect someone to open up to us, if we are not willing to open up as well.
Many of us claim to have a “type”. Whether it is a buffed (muscular) six- footer, the over-confident, loud and arrogant type, the simple introvert, the outgoing, charismatic ladies’ man, there is a piece of cloth for every buyer in the land. Miss Mose stated, “That type of thing always keeps women bounded.” Too often we disregard the good men we have ‘friendzoned’ and choose to chase the villains that hurt us simply because the villains reflect the “type” touted, admired, “ordained” by society’s standards.
My honest response to Miss Brewster was, “Men nowadays feel that you have to chase after them and I am not about that.” Her retort was surprising. She stated very matter- of- factly, “What is wrong with that? I believe in balance. How could you be so focused on all your professional goals and not be as focused on personal goals? Your work will not make you warm at night.”
This was a moment of consideration, deep thought and careful reflection. Miss Brewster is right in this regard. Whilst I have always said that our work will never wake up one morning and tell us it doesn’t love us anymore, on the other hand, our work cannot cuddle, talk to us nor comfort us at night. While many of us are quite happy with our single lives, there are always quiet moments which could always be better spent with a great companion.
I first heard this on Wendy Williams’ After Show when someone asked her if one should choose friends over one’s man. Wendy’s response was “Of course not! My man always comes before my friends.” Today I asked that same question and received the same response. I have always been a feminist who believed in this sisterhood of women holding hands.
We often hear the quotes from Sex In The City such as “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just the people we have fun with”.
Truth be told, I have learnt that in most instances the majority of the women I know do hold Mrs Williams’ view and the ones of us who do hold the view of the “sisterhood” seem to end up with the dirty end of the stick passed to us by the members of our precious sisterhood. More and more women are stating that we must place utmost priority on our relationships with our men.
In conclusion, although my personal views might never change, it is always refreshing to listen to another perspective.
Toni Thorne is a young entrepreneur and World Economic Forum Global Shaper who loves global youth culture, a great debate and living in paradise. Email [email protected].
