DEAR CHRISTINE, I MET A WOMAN from one of the islands over a year ago. I am single, 48 years of age and I manage my own business.
I fell deeply in love with this woman who has two children from a previous marriage. She disclosed to me that for the past five years she had been having an affair with a married man.
She said she left her husband for this man because he promised to leave his wife for her. She also told me that they would meet at her place at the maximum three times a week for sex. All this information was freely given while we were seeing each other.
After seven months into the relationship, she broke off the affair with the married man because, as she explained, he was not interested in leaving his wife and she felt she had wasted five precious years of her life. She also said she felt he was “bad” for her.
To help her meet her necessary financial and other commitments, and support her children, I gave her a job in my company. She was working elsewhere at the time but the salary was not that great. As it turned out, she proved to be an excellent employee and a great asset to the company, especially in the area of customer service.
Two months ago she turned up at the office and told me this married man had started to call her again and that they met and had sex at her home on three different occasions.
I was stunned, to say the least, but I lent a listening ear to all the reasons why this started to happen all over again. By then, I had decided to stop seeing her so she could make up her mind about what was happening in her life.
This woman seems to have no control whatsoever over her body when this man is around or when he comes calling for sex. I no longer date her but I still have strong feelings for her.
Do you think I am foolish to still care? What help can I give her to let her see this man is just using her? Please advise me.
– P.A.
Dear P.A.,
I am of the opinion that this woman enjoys being used and that she not in need of any help from you, other than what you have already given her – a job. Hasn’t it occurred to you that she may be happy with the arrangement between her and this married man? It must be clear to her by now that there is no future with him. You simply cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. That’s the reality.
Stop entertaining her by listening to her rendezvous and sexual escapades with him.
It’s time you recognise her as an excellent employee and leave it at that. The fact that she left her husband to wait for a married man to leave his wife to marry her should be enough proof to you that she cannot be trusted in the area of “true love”. If she was unfaithful to the father of her children, what makes you think she’ll be faithful to you?
I know you can do a whole lot better in finding a woman who will love, respect and care for you as much as you love, respect and care for her. I do not think you need to carry all the baggage this woman has – and she has quite a bit.
Start looking for a different pond in which to fish. She’s no catch of the day – or night, for that matter.
– CHRISTINE