DEAR CHRISTINE: I GOT MARRIED when I was 18 years old and my husband was 21. We have been married for 25 years and are the parents of three beautiful children, between the ages of 14 and 19.
We have always been a close-knit family, but two years ago my husband had an affair which lasted for a year and a few months. Foolishly I only discovered the fact during the last three months – before he ended it.
Like any couple interested in saving their marriage, I forgave him and so we struggled to make our marriage work. While his sexual relationship with the woman ended, he kept in contact for her for several weeks until she discovered he was willing to make a go of his marriage. It was she who finally told him she wanted nothing more to do with him.
Since then, my husband has become cold and non-communicative at times. He never tells me he loves me and although, he will initiate sex every so often, hugging and extra kisses – as in times past – are almost non-existent.
I never pressure my husband. I asked him if everything was okay with him and he told me “yes”.
He tells me I am taking things too seriously and making a mountain out of a molehill. However, his lack of affection is a concern.
I love my husband. Should I live with the hope that things will get better, or have we come to the end of our journey together?
– Y.B.L
Dear Y.B.L:
I honestly cannot answer those two questions for you. Only you can.
If you love him and have decided to stay in the marriage, then that’s your choice. However, I do not believe that everything is okay as he has stated and yes, you should be concerned.
I see a sense of vindication on the part of your husband and unless both of you open up with each other and be honest about what is happening on the inside, you’ll both become frustrated with each other and in your marriage.
Do you know why he started the affair in the first place? Was it really his first affair? Are you performing your role as wife to the best of your knowledge? These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself.
Try speaking to a marriage counsellor or pastor, and see what both of you can do to rebuild your relationship. Of course, this will only happen if he is willing to build it back just as strong or stronger than it was before.
– CHRISTINE