PURE LIVING HELL. That’s what I, and indeed my two siblings, have been experiencing since our mother remarried a few years ago. My stepfather is the devil himself and seems determined to see how soon and how best he can run us off. He may be Lucifer but I am in the army of Saint Paul and on the right side.
Our father died six years ago and our mother, who was in her mid-50s at that time, felt she was young enough that she should date again and indeed get married. Her dreams became reality. It was, however, a somewhat ironic twist, in that the man she married was a man she dated before she got married to my late father. While my dad would have wanted her to be happy, he would certainly have been devastated if he could come back to see who is living in his house and enjoying the sweets of his labour.
Our mother never talked a lot about her relationship with her new husband during their first courtship, but from what little I have been able to garner, it was not a smooth and engaging relationship. Indeed, it seemed to have ended on a very bitter note. My father came along and as my stepfather often remarks, my mother only married him on the rebound. That remark irks me to the bone.
My parents were married for almost 30 years before my father passed away. It was a devastating period for all of us. There are three girls and we are rather close. My father was a hard-working man who was very cautious with the way he spent money. He helped all of us to acquire either a house or piece of land. As the eldest, I was able to buy a house and have it rented; my two sisters bought land and while one has built a house, the other has started and is almost complete. None of us are married nor do we have children and as such are quite happy at home – or I should say have been until our mother’s remarriage.
The mistake our mother made was to have brought this man into her home, but should have insisted that they get a house together or that he puts her in one. He is clearly hoping that he can reap sweets without sweating for them. The situation has driven us children to decide not to leave home, even if we had planned to.
Our stepfather has been dropping remarks, and indeed saying out loudly that at our ages, between 24 and 32, we should be living on our own or married. I take umbrage at these comments since he has walked into a sugar pot. Imagine, he had the guts to suggest that we could share bedrooms while his son and daughter come and spend an extended period in Barbados. No way.
This man seems determined to drive a wedge between our mother and us as he clearly seeks to enjoy his senior days in comfort. I am aware that he did not enjoy the quality of life in his homeland, another Eastern Caribbean island, which he now has in Barbados, and while he lived in North America for a number of years he did not meet with any big success there. This situation is therefore one of sugar and honey for him.
We have spoken to our mother of the uneasiness and indeed unhappiness this man constantly brings into our household. He is of a different religious faith to us, and while my mother has opted to go to church with him, we have decided to stay where we have always worshipped. We tend to watch television together late on evenings and do as women will, and talk, laugh, giggle and curl up. He finds this distasteful.
We tend to go out on Friday and or Saturday nights to socialise with our friends or boyfriends and therefore may sleep late the following day, which he also frowns on. Well, as grown women, we are free to choose our own path as long as it does not involve illegal or immoral activities. Furthermore, he should do the right and decent thing if he feels offended. Simply leave and take his wife with him.
On his death it was made clear in our father’s will that our mother and the three children will share the benefits of his property; so the house was left to our mother and us. I have not sought any legal guidance but common sense would suggest that with my mother’s remarriage he would not share her half of the house – or eventually after a number of years marriage – while we girls will get the other half – divided in one third each. Admittedly, our mother is now retired, and so is this man whom we believe cannot carry his weight, so it appears difficult for him to go buy a house without mother. The truth is the property has certain sentimental attachments to us and that is why we are not willing to opt for a payout and move on. We knew when it was just a small wood and wall property before its transformation into a modern multi-level property.
Our mother, who has been smitten by an old flame and somehow believes she must be in a relationship to enjoy her senior years, clearly still loves her children and wants nothing less than for them to be happy. Her heart’s desire is that we give her grandchildren. We want her to be happy, but we cannot compromise on principle and decency along the way. We cannot give in to an unscrupulous man whose obvious desire is to live easy in his senior years on the hard work and sacrifice of another man.
I know he will read this, as he is interested in reading the paper cover to cover daily. More importantly, he will know it refers to him and should get the message loud and clear. He needs to bring something to the table in his new marriage and accept his responsibilities, not try to live like a leech.