DEAR CHRISTINE, MY HUSBAND of six years travels for business and also loves to travel abroad with his buddies – all men.
I have always been concerned about him possibly cheating and would admit that I nagged him at times. We eventually decided to see a counsellor, since the situation was really getting to me. He swore before the counsellor that he was faithful and I had no reason to feel insecure.
I later learned from a phone call – believe it or not, from someone whom I thought was playing a prank on me – that he was actually in a relationship during the time we had counselling and that he had another relationship after that.
I also learnt that at least one out of those thrice a year trips was actually an opportunity to see someone with whom he was having an “ongoing relationship”.
All this information was later confirmed by a friend of one of his “buddies”. Men do talk.
I never withhold my body from my husband. Whenever he wants to have sex, I make myself available; unless of course, I am ill. The most he travels for is about five to seven days in any given time.
Why did he need to have extra-marital affairs? I don’t know.
What further compounded the situation was that after all the proof I had, he continued to lie about his infidelities. Since we’ve always had a great relationship, I suggested that we both return for further counselling. He agreed and is now seeing a psychiatrist.
Sometimes our instincts, especially those of a woman, must not be overlooked. I’ve also learnt that not every “prank call” is a prank call. To this day, I don’t know who called but I thank God for giving me the instinct to follow through.
I don’t know what I have saved myself or my husband from but I’ll tell you this: we travel together more often than before and those trips with his buddies have come to an end.
Not every story on extra-marital affairs has a happy ending, but mine continues to heal. I am sure others can.
– BB
Dear BB,
Thanks for sharing this personal experience. I am happy for you and that you choose to forgive your husband for his infidelity. Not many wives would be willing to do that.
I guess you’ve given much thought to your marriage vows which state: “To have and to hold until death do us part.” Your husband, on the other hand, thought very little about the portion which stressed: “And forsaking all others . . . .”
Love and forgiveness are vital to the success of any relationship. You truly are deserving of a special “medal” for putting up with these extra-marital affairs and staying at your husband’s side.
Trust is also necessary. I hope you’re getting to that place where you can trust without doubt and truly enjoy some happy years together.
– CHRISTINE
