DEAR CHRISTINE, I DIVORCED my husband of eight years 18 months ago. It was one of those ugly divorces that became long, drawn-out and expensive. I have since moved on with my life. However, my ex-husband, has not. He remains in constant contact with my family.
My sister casually mentioned the other day that he had stopped by her office to “talk”. He also calls my mother regularly and stops by her house to see her. He takes them to dinner and tries to act like nothing changed.
What he is really doing is trying to get as much information as he possibly can about my life while getting sympathy from them. Thankfully, we never had children, so there is no need for us to stay in contact.
However, my sister who is getting married in January has invited him to the wedding. I don’t believe this is the sensible thing to do. I have explained to my relatives, including my said sister, that I want no more contact with him and that I do not want to see him again. He told vicious lies and spread horrible rumours during the divorce that cost me all of our mutual friends. They believed his lies and did not support me.
He won’t let go of me and my family. What can I do?
– K.G.
Dear K.G.,
Is it that your ex-husband would not let go of you and your family, or that your family refuses to let go of him? They are the ones who are encouraging him to hang around; otherwise, he would not be doing so.
Why do they continue to make him feel welcome? Perhaps, you need to have a “real” talk with them. Let them know you will be keeping your distance from them whenever he is “visiting”. Meanwhile, although he continues to “remain in the picture” so to speak, simply see him as “a ghost of marriage past”.
Avoid any discussions relating to him with your family and as far as the wedding is concerned, don’t allow his presence to cloud your day. I am sure you can keep your distance, while being polite, but not “friendly”.
You are free, my dear. Express your freedom in mind, body, soul and spirit.
– CHRISTINE