I HAVE A PREDICAMENT, even if I am not in one. I have met a young lady – well, not so young as she is in her early 40s – and I have started to grow fond of her.
I find her outward beauty appealing, and some of her inner qualities – her pleasantries, her ability to carry on a worthwhile conversation, and the way she interacts with people in the half-dozen times we have gone out to events together – tell me there are many things about her I like.
On the other hand, there are things that I do not like and cannot understand and am left somewhat puzzled by her actions. Admittedly, I am a cynical person, and may be seeing things where there is only an illusion. But I somehow doubt very much.
I met this lady at a social event staged by a large company about two and half years ago. A little chit-chat led from one thing to another and at the end of it all, we simply said good night. A few weeks later we met again, this time during the day at another event staged by this company. It was not a social event on the second occasion, much shorter and more businesslike. Again, we spoke very briefly at the end of the event and went our separate ways.
Later that week I was on my way home and got caught in a traffic jam. A car had broken down on the road and had things backed up on one side. Lo and behold, when I got two vehicles away from the stalled car, I realized it was this young lady, looking rather flustered as she stood by the side of the road. I pulled ahead and parked out of the thoroughfare and walked back to her.
She seem surprised and thanked me for stopping. I quickly indicated that I could not do anything mechanical and would be of little help, other than to call my mechanic or take her where she was going. She looked puzzled and I quickly indicated a third option would be to call a wrecker. She asked if I knew a wrecker. Well, I didn’t but called my mechanic and explained. He told me give him half an hour. Within five minutes of his suggested time, a wrecker did arrive to tow the vehicle away. She did not know what to do or say. The guy took the vehicle to my mechanic.
I gave her a drop near to her home. She indicated that I could put her off “here” since she could easily walk in. She thanked me, took the mechanic’s name and number, and mine. The following morning I called and asked if she had a drop and she said yes, no problem. Just before nine o’clock I was about to leave home and my phone rang, It was this young lady stuck at the bus stop. I proceeded to take her to work. The afternoon I gave her a drop home.
We became friends and started seeing each other. But I have never met anyone who is so guarded. Twice I have actually dropped her by her gate. I have never once met her family. Yes, she has met mine and even attended a family dinner with all of my siblings and parents.
The most unusual thing I have noticed is that she can talk about other people, but whenever I raise a question about her brothers and or sisters or parents she is quick to change the subject. Obviously, this behaviour piqued something in me. I decided to ask people around her about her. Of course, the best place to look is those who don’t like her and or her relatives. I did find one such young man, perhaps two or three years younger than she is.
He indicated that she had had a tragedy in the family, involving a sibling committing suicide and that the family had a history of mental illness. They were very proud people and clearly found it difficult to deal with what they obvious saw as public disgraces. Additionally, this young lady had been in a relationship with a guy whose parents were of some standing in the community and after the relationship ended, she seem to have taken it badly.
My informant rather gleefully said that she had “a few men on the rebound” but none of those relationships lasted. I was sorry that I had been so nosy. Well, I was curious, somewhat offset, but somehow felt I wanted to be even closer to her.
I invited her to a black tie affair and she was delighted to attend; she did look elegant in her evening gown and got many compliments. I told her that I wanted the relationship to be serious and that I felt we could share our lives together. I also told her not to hide things from me and be open, good, bad, indifferent or joyful. I also told her what I had heard one evening while we were at dinner. She never smiled once afterwards.
She has left the country for holidays overseas and has kept in touch with me. She has indicated that she plans to extend that vacation and wants to stay for another three months with her sister. She says I want to know too many things which should remain private. Yes, she has become very fond of me but feels that they are certain things which should remain unknown.
I am planning to spend Christmas with her, having already gotten her approval. Yes, I want the relationship to develop because, despite her faults, I am more than simply attracted to her. I really do love her. I have discussed the matter with my family and have their approval and support.
I don’t want any distance between us, but I do not want to have a relationship which starts out with mistrust and misunderstanding and fear. I confess the past can present some horrible pictures, but I believe dealing with it can prevent nightmares. After all, we all have dark shadows in our past.