HAVE YOU EVER had a joke that was so sweet you laughed til your belly hurt you, and you almost couldn’t breathe? I talking bout so sweet, that up to now every time you remember it, don’t care where you are, you does break out in laughter like a mad person? Well, that is how I does be sometimes.
Now a few weeks ago, me and some work colleagues ended up overseas on an assignment. After a hard day’s work, we decided to go into town at one of the local bars and relax over a beer.
Well, as you would know with drinking beer, it does be only be a matter of time before you have to go to the bathroom.
Anyhow, I went into the bathroom and while I was by the urinal doing my thing, I see a big lovely centipede ease out from a corner of the partition right by the urinal. The centipede had to be at least a foot and a half long, and it looked like it was wearing shoes and had beard.
I was even tempted to kill it, but I decided that I might go hitting or kicking it and lick down the people’s urinal, mash up the plumbing and got water spraying all over the place, or . . . and this is the big or, in attempting to kill Mr Centipede it might actually beat me and kill me. So since it didn’t do me anything, I aint do it anything either. I kept my eyes on it and wee-wee fast and run out of there.
Anyhow, I gone back over by the fellas and one of them said he was going to the bathroom. I quickly warned him that a centipede was in there so be careful. He gine look at me and ask me why I aint kill it, as though our boss had appointed me “centipede killer” when we left Barbados. So I explained the reason.
Anyhow, he said he aint gine in there anymore, but it reached a point where he couldn’t hold it back any longer, and reluctantly he decided that he would make the trip.
Before he left, I warned him to check the ceiling and the floor and make sure it did not drop in his head or crawl up his leg, because I knew that if that centipede had to sting him they would have to amputate his head or his leg.
Well, my boy took the warning and headed off to the bathroom, but unknown to him I followed him.
He stood by the door and peep all bout inside first before going in, he was real, real frighten. Then he went by the urinal and started to wee-wee, all the while looking up in the ceiling and on the floor for Mr Centipede.
And I eased up behind him and touched him on the top of his head and then ran my finger down the back of his head into his neck. That man holla so hard. My boy stumbled from the urinal, let go “de thing”, freeing willy, and start slapping his head and neck with both hands and screaming, “Murder! Murder! Santapee!”
And you know like when a hose leggo and water gushing all over the place? Well, that is how it was in there; wee-wee was all over the place. I believe some was even in the ceiling and on the centipede, wherever he was.
Yeah, we all had a good laugh afterward. He begged me not to write bout it too. But I just couldn’t resist, cause all like now I still laughing. See ya.
E-mail: madderic@hotmail.com
twitter @madderic
