SO THAT was Christmas.
I know about remembering the reason for the season and so on; and the fundamentals of the celebration were not lost on me. But I feel bad. I feel bad because I didn’t get the gifts I wanted to get for those who needed them most. My gift list was long, but my dollars were few. I decided to share the list with you, so you’d see that I indeed had the best of intentions. As the office memos would say, “Please see below:”
Time-machine
1. A bed from Courts for Carol Roberts. Carol needs to catch some zzzs. The only person busier than Carol at Christmas is Santa. Carol, I wanted you to get some rest; and I honestly thought of the hire purchase thing, but my pockets aren’t as deep as yours.
2. A time-machine for Hoadie. This gadget would take him back in time, so that he could frolic in the halcyon days of yore, with chickens, goats and cows to his heart’s delight. Hoadie, this one was not for lack of money; it’s just that I couldn’t find one to buy; not even on Amazon. You’d have to settle for the Amazonian that’s coming in next week to see you.
3. Some red string for Minister of Education Ronald Jones. If you used to look at Sesame Street as a child, you’d know what I’m talking about. Minister, the red string can be used to tie on your pinkie fingers, so that you’d never forget to pay a bill again. The only thing is, it’s red. I’m still trying to source it in another colour.
4. A hymn book for Leader of the Opposition Mia Mottley. I’ve been looking in the CPWI Hymnal for Kum Ba Yah but can’t find it at all, at all. However, it can be found on different pages of different hymn books, so this defeats the purpose of my gifting, since it still won’t allow everyone to sing from the same hymn sheet.
5. Some milk for Editor-in-Chief Roy Morris. As you may have read, he’s a heavy drinker. But you see, at the time when I was about to make that purchase, I wasn’t sure if I’d be supporting local or not; and I didn’t want people like James Paul and Bobbi McKay to get vex. Now that I know I’d be supporting local production, milk is on the production line for Roy for Christmas 2016.
6. Plenty rain for the Barbados Water Authority. I know a few people who say they have direct lines to the man upstairs, so I’ve been trying to persuade them to put in a good word for the BWA. Joyann Haigh was to help me with the communications strategy, but she’s on vacay.
Home gym
7. A home gym for Stetson and Jasmine Babb. If you ever see these two working out, you’d understand why. With fit and fab bodies and stamina for days, I does feel real shame to exercise around them.
Happy Boxing Day, everyone!
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.
