“LEW, I want to know how to tell my woman that she getting too fat.” This is what a man asked me recently.
My answer to him was, unless he was in the mood to spend the whole day at the hospital with a partial tongue and missing teeth, and watching doctors looking at X-ray pictures with puzzled looks on their faces, wondering how his jawbone ended up in the area of his gizzard, then it was best for him to keep his damn mouth shut.
His thing was that when them first met she had a lil size but he could deal with it. Then she had a baby and put on some baby fat. He didn’t mind that too much, ’cause as he said, she had an extra inch to pinch.
Then she put on a few more pounds and went from an extra inch to pinch to a “thicky sweets”, even then he didn’t mind the extra poundage. But then she went from thicky sweets to pleasingly plump, then from pleasingly plump to fluffy, and now as he said, she fat and expanding. And when he study how big her mother is he does be frighten, cause she seems to be headed in that direction.
Now I had a grandmother (we called her Ma) that would have been the ideal person to help him. Ma had no problems in telling people how fat them was, and even though we told her on many occasions that she shouldn’t do it ’cause she might hurt people’s feelings, Ma would see nothing wrong with what she said, all she would say to us is, “but she fat”.
For instance, we would be at a family get-together, and some person who gained a few pounds in recent times would enter the room, and Ma would loudly shout, “Wuhlossss, wuh you getting big enough, you getting as big as a bull, soon from now you gine can’t get through the door.”
She would say these things with a straight face and everybody would be laughing, but poor lil you to whom the comment was directed, would think twice ’bout gine for cheesecake at dessert time. ’Cause if Ma saw you gine for dessert she would shout, “buh wait though, how much bigger you plan to get? You ain’t see you as big as a bus?”
Anyhow, I told the man that maybe the best thing to do, is tell her that he noticed that he was putting on some weight and that he also noticed that she had gained some too and encourage her to do some exercising and healthy eating with him. ’Cause I know women don’t like to hear that them getting fat.
’Cause listen, I had a girlfriend one time and she told me that she gine got to get some new clothes cause all her clothes was getting too small. I went and opened my big mouth and told her, “it ain’t that the clothes getting too small, it is you who getting too big.”
Well who tell me say that? That woman was vex from then till now. Our relationship finished nearly 30 years ago and up to now she still vex.
Meanwhile, I have a friend who like his women big, fat and thick. I told him ’bout my friend’s predicament and he told me to tell him to send the woman over at him if he don’t want her.
This is a man who once told me, he don’t mind his woman gine in the gym to keep fit but not to lose weight, cause de bigger de better and de better de sweeter.
Well, all I could say is different strokes for different folks.
E-mail: madderic@hotmail.com twitter @madderic
