Dear Christine,
I HAVE a sister whom I love dearly, but I have trouble understanding how she functions.
She is 33 years old and has refused to grow up. She still relies heavily on family members, including our 88-year-old grandmother, to take care of her. If for some reason we are unable to do so at what she thinks is “the appropriate time”, she develops a nasty, stand-offish attitude which lasts for several weeks.
My parents are unsure about how they should talk to her concerning her irresponsible attitude. I am totally fed up with the situation. She works, does what she wants with her money, then depends of each family member, including my brother and me, to “help support” her. The thing is, she has a good job.
How can I get her to see the light and wake up to her responsibilities? I am a single mother of two with a relatively good-paying job, and my brother is married. However, he and his wife are not parents.
What can I do?
– H.M.
Dear H.M.,
Does your sister have emotional, “true” financial or psychological issues which she needs to deal with? If the answer is no on all counts, why are you and family members bending over backwards to “lend assistance”?
As long as she has you to shore her up, why should she paddle her own canoe? If there is no compelling reason why the family should “bail her out” time and time again, you are doing her a great disservice by doing so.
At her age, she should have long taken responsibility for herself. Who knows? Perhaps she is playing each family member for a fool. Each of you – whether as a family or individually – needs to get family members together and send her the message that she’s on her own. Of course, if she truly finds herself in a bind of some sort, I would expect you and any other member of the family to stand by her. If that’s not the case, convince her that she must try to save herself and seek to give, rather than constantly being on “the taking side”.
– CHRISTINE
