You have to rely on your preparation. You got to really be passionate and try to prepare more than anyone else, and put yourself in a position to succeed, and when the moment comes you got to enjoy, relax, breathe and rely on your preparation so that you can perform and not be anxious or filled with doubt. – Steve Nash
In my early – teens I lost quite a bit of skin from my forehead and inflicted serious pain to my neck when I jumped off a rock into the sea without taking time to observe the shallowness of the water below. To say that the experience was excruciating is more than an understatement.
Thinking back on that head-on collision conjured up the sad stories of many individuals who jumped headlong into marriage without considering the shallowness of inadequate preparation. Accepting such shallowness is fiddling with your family foundation and a potential recipe for marital suicide.
Many years ago while interpreting a personality test for a husband seeking reconciliation with his wife, the husband stopped me in the process and said: “Sir, if I had done this test before I had gotten married, I would have never walked out on my wife.” He and his wife were then seeking to kick-start their marriage, which had gone sour for an extended period of time. This man admitted in his wife’s presence that the brief pep talks he had before the wedding day proved too shallow for the serious marriage plunge he had prematurely taken.
Delving into the importance of in-depth premarital preparation for couples vowing to take the lifelong journey of marriage was the centre of my attention for the last few weeks. Today, I will conclude the series by looking at two very crucial areas that must not be left out of the preparation process. Matters relating to money and sexual intimacy continue to frustrate individuals within their marriage and must be examined closely.
Money matters
Understanding financial matters is a must for those of you planning for marriage. Money matters have created, and continue to create, major upheaval for couples. Most of the problems affecting a couple’sfinances do not necessarily relate to the amount of money that couple has, but more so to the management of that money. Consideration must be given to this important resource before marriage. When managed well, money will produce great benefits for you and your family.
Natasha Munson wisely advises that “Money, like emotions, is something you must control to keep your life on the right track.” During premarital discussions, it is critical to examine areas such as budgeting, savings, investments, different types of insurance, debt management, retirement planning, estate planning, all of which necessitate diligence and discipline.
“Money management”, says Robert Hastings, “is not so much a technique as it is an attitude. And when we talk about attitudes, we are dealing with emotions. Thus, money management is basically self-management or control of one’s emotions. Unless one learns to control himself, he is no more likely to control his money than he is to discipline his habits, his time, or his temper. Undisciplined money usually spells undisciplined persons.”
I know of spouses who blatantly and vociferously tell their partners that the money they work for is theirs and can be spent however they wish. I am aware of individuals who were planning to go into marriage but refused to disclose personal finances and other assets because of fear that the other partner may want to take advantage of their possessions. All money-related issues, delicate as they may be, should be discussed and resolved before the wedding day. Not taking such an action would be like fiddling with your family foundation. Working together as a team always produces plausible results not only for you as a couple but also for your offspring.
Sexual intimacy
Sexual intimacy did not originate with Hollywood, as some people seem to believe. It was designed by the pure and holy mind of the all-knowing Creator, who at the very beginning of time made everything “very good”. In designing the man and woman’s sexual organs, God intended them to be used and enjoyed solely within the context of marriage.
In giving humankind the pleasure of enjoying sexual intimacy, the All-wise Creator was in essence crafting an environment for humankind to work with Him to build wholesome families that would become the bedrock for a cohesive society. Sexual intimacy of the highest quality is more than a physical exercise. God saw the sexual act as a powerful, beautiful blend of the physical, spiritual, emotional and mental, the kind of synergy and experience that would not only defy human description, but also draw the couple closer to each other in the bond of genuine love.
Sexual activity is promoted today as a highly commercial involvement. The liberal way individuals continue to carelessly and indiscriminately throw their precious bodies around makes them vulnerable to all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. The sanctity of sex seems to be becoming a thing of the past, while marital unfaithfulness and sexual promiscuous behaviour appear to be gaining worldwide prominence under the loosely open umbrella of human rights.
Author and public speaker Marian Jordan Ellis put the whole matter of not fiddling with family foundation, in the area of sexual intimacy, in perspective when she said: “I no longer saw God’s commandments concerning sex and marriage as a prohibition, but as His loving protection. I no longer thought of sexual purity as a rule, but as a desired virtue. I no longer was attracted to the guys that treated girls like commodities, but was now attracted to men of character who modelled Jesus’ humility and self-sacrifice. I no longer saw my body as something to use to gain a guy’s attention; I now viewed it as God’s holy temple.”
Premarital preparation that does not promote sanctity of sex and faithfulness to your marriage partner is fiddling with your family foundation. When pledging to enter the sanctity of marriage make sure that you get a proper perspective of sexual intimacy, the Creator’s style.
Neither money matters nor sexual intimacy concerns should be left out of premarital education. These two critical components in marriage must never be fiddled with in your relationship.
Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email: griffitharticles@gmail.com