HOW MANY CELL PROVIDERS are there in Barbados?
You may think that’s a trick question. But seriously, I’m asking because I find myself now even questioning my ability to count. You see, the advertising people may be a bit superfluous with the superlatives these days; and after a while even the most sensitive linguists can become desensitised with all the hype.
At primary school, you and I would have learnt about the comparative adjective and the superlative adjective. “Better” being the former and “best” an example of the latter. So, when you say: “We are the fastest 4G network,” and the audience really knows there are only two competitors in the market, what’s the deal? The impact of the word “fastest” has slowed dramatically over the last few weeks. And the biggest beneficiaries of this sensational use of language? The media!
By the way, though: who really is faster?
I am no Usain Bolt, but I was quick to sign up for this Signia Footstep Challenge you may have seen all over Facebook this past week. I am noticing that in spite of the best intentions, the battle of the bulge is being lost . . . by me and many of you who may be reading this. It is time to do away with the bad habits, comrades. Let us not indulge in the carcass of the pig every blessed Saturday; or lick our lips lasciviously when we sense the sugar that may be lurking near us; or even engage in the seemingly harmless habit of relishing Ramen for dinner each night . . .
Okay, I know I may be getting a bit carried away with my tonality, since I was studying with the son of a preacher man last night. But really, the Footstep Challenge is a must. I begin training today. Email me if you want to train together. Rally your troops and let’s get going, peeps!
By the way, just a piece of trivia: did you know that the real Battle Of The Bulge was a surprise attack by the Germans towards the end of World War II? Yes, it was the last Nazi offensive against the allies.
But before I go, I have to share this madness with you. It may sound cheesy, but it is no joke. Imagine my surprise when I read a news article last week about wood in my cheese! Would you believe that the FDA investigated American supermarkets and found fillers like wood pulp contained in cheese?!? I mean, cuhdear, if I wanted wood, I would gingerly go to Hoadie’s vast farmland and find a tree to bite!
Truth is, Mavis from the Alka-Ten water place would always tell me about some types of cheese not being cheese at all, but I didn’t really believe until I saw it for myself! Food forgery – a big thing these days, so be vigilant. Plastic in rice; wood in cheese; fake eggs and even fake honey! Cheese, man . . . some people these days fake it to make it . . . literally!
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.
