Dear Christine,
I WAS RAPED at the age of 14 by my first boyfriend. That’s how I lost my virginity.
Shortly afterward, I became severely depressed and bulimic. I blocked my trauma until 11 years later, when I had a flashback. I sought out a therapist and have been seeing him for the past six months.
I feel so much resentment and anger toward my family for not having helped me through this difficult time. They didn’t know about the rape, but they knew about my eating disorder, and I’m sure they must have noticed my depressed mood. They simply looked the other way, and I was offered no help whatsoever.
I am angry with my mother especially, because she has always been detached and critical of me. I’m afraid to tell her what happened for fear of being blamed. She has now been diagnosed with cancer, and I’m afraid she’ll die before I get the courage to tell her. What can I do?
– A.H.
Dear A.H.,
I know 14 years old is a challenging period for most teenagers who are still trying to figure out if they are children or young adults. The experience must have been traumatic for you and I do understand your pain.
However, your resentment towards your family and particularly your mother is simply not fair. You refused back then to inform them of your rape. I am sure if they knew, they would have shared your pain and be there to help you heal.
Stop harbouring bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart. You’re only hurting yourself. There is nothing you can do about the past. Furthermore, your parents did not cause your rape.
Quite frankly, my take is if you’re seeing a therapist, leave the matter between you and him or her. If you were able to carry this “burden” on your own for 11 years, you can manage without telling your family at this point. It will do no one any good.
Continue your therapy. You’re on the right track right now.
– CHRISTINE