Dear Christine,
IT HAS TAKEN me a little while to write to you but at least I am now getting the opportunity to put pen to paper.
I am a mere 30 years old. I got married at the age of 19 because I got my girlfriend pregnant and both sides of the family felt it was the right thing for us to do. The truth is I was deeply in love with my girlfriend.
We are now divorced and my son lives with me because my ex refused to be responsible for him. She ran off with her another guy.
I have just learned that my son isn’t really my son after all. My ex finally admitted to me that she had always known he wasn’t mine, and that his real father died of a drug overdose.
I’m extremely frustrated because I don’t feel I should have to take care of a child who isn’t even mine. I love the boy, but I don’t feel he’s my responsibility anymore. I was tricked into being his father. I wouldn’t have taken the job had I known eight years ago that he was someone else’s.
We have a very close relationship and I take good care of him, but I would like to live my life for myself and do what I want when I want — like his mother does. I can’t do that because he’s my responsibility.
I know he needs me and loves me, and I’m afraid of what it would do to him if I sent him to live with his mother so I could live my life. I’m so confused. Can you give me any advice so I can compromise my desires and his needs?
Chris
Dear Chris:
I believe you have already answered your own question. You stated: “I know he needs me and loves me, and I am afraid of what it would do to him if I sent him to live with his mother so I could live my life.”
That’s the answer right there. That boy needs you and you are the only father he has ever known. If it were a case where the father was still alive, it would be a different matter, but the father is not alive.
Consider that boy your son and do whatever a loving father would do to look after his child. If you have relatives with whom he can spend time when the going gets tough for you, then allow them to help you.
Do not give up on him. He needs you.
– CHRISTINE