Saturday, April 13, 2024

LOOKA LEW: Skipper, you can’t be serious


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I AIN’T telling no lies, piece ‘o that woman’s toenail could have flown through the air and lick out my eyes.

Now have you ever seen somebody doing something so crazy that you said to yourself, “skipper/woman, you can’t be serious”? Well I found myself saying just that recently.

Now last Saturday, I went into a shoe store in town, a sales assistant upon recognising me, thanked me for bringing a lil joy into her life with my articles every Friday in the NATION.

She then asked a question that many people always ask me either ‘bout songwriting or writing articles, and it was how I does be able to find something all the time to make people laugh. My answer to this question was that these things are always there, you only have to look around.

No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I heard the same sales woman say to a woman in the store, “No, no madam, you can’t do that in here.” I looked around to see the sales clerk chastising the woman for cutting her toenails in the store. I serious, the woman was sitting on one of those pouffes usually reserved for people who were trying on shoes, and she was there as though she was at home cutting her toenails.

Not only that, but the toenails was flying all over the place, and them wasn’t no small pieces either, the pieces coming off was big like sheets o’ galvanise, and I know if piece had to hit somebody all like now them would be in the hospital getting stitches.

The thing is, the woman like she could not believe that she should not be cutting her toenails in the people’s store, cause although the sales woman was busy telling her it was a no-no, she was still chopping toenails.

Another time I was by a food van, a woman was serving and taking money, and somehow a silver dollar slipped out of her hand and fell in the stew. The woman dipped out the silver dollar and continued serving stew like nothing ain’t happen. All I found myself saying was: “woman you can’t be serious”.

Hard times

But that ain’t nothing. One day I came home from work and found a man by my lime tree picking my limes. He had two lovely supermarket shopping bags full with limes.

From the time I saw him, I said to myself: “Skipper, you can’t be serious.”So I approached him, the man ain’t run nor nothing so, he kept on picking limes.

I said: “Chief, what gine on here? Them limes got a owner.”

He said he was only getting a few. I told him a few was five or six. The man told me that the tree full of limes til them falling off and he know I can’t use all of them. It is then that I said aloud: “Skipper, you can’t be serious:”.

But what took the cake is this, the man took up the two bags o’ limes and give me the one which had in the most and said: “Gimme a break, hold these, all we got to live, I got children to feed.”

He also had an onion bag with mangoes and from the looks of them I knew they came from my next door neighbour’s tree. He took out a few mangoes and put them on the ground and said: “Yeah boss, hold these, them sweet.” And all I couldda say was: “Skipper, you can’t be serious.” See ya.

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