I HAD BEEN THROUGH a series of misfortunes and decided I needed spiritual guidance and help to get over the various challenges. But it turned out that that fellowship I longed for in the church brought more grief and pain.
My pressure point started about 15 years ago when a very close female friend passed away, leaving two young children. It was a traumatic situation as the fathers showed absolutely no interest in the children before her death and afterwards were even less involved. Her relatives had no means and little inclination to keep those little ones. So they were left to struggle. I felt that as a woman, and more so as a mother myself, I should not leave them stranded. I decided to take them, which meant that I suddenly had not one child but three. Fortunately, they were all under five, so I had a good chance of shaping them the way I wanted them to go.
I was grateful to be working as a self-employed small businesswoman who could financially support myself and the children. I did not have a partner at the time and so depended on my relatives, particularly my brother and my parents, to lend a helping hand, which they readily did.
My mother died two years after I took the children under my wing and this left my father depressed. He seemed to have found solace in reaching out and helping his grands, mine and those of my siblings. It was a joy to see him bounce back and become lively once again.
Two years later, my brother, who was such a pillar in my life and offered such great support, whether by helping with my children or those of his other siblings, or even helping with my business, was involved in a vehicular accident. He passed away and it left me terribly shaken. He and my dad lived together following my mum’s death and this once again shook my dad. The two closest people to him were gone in a matter of four years.Â
I relied on two of my employees to look after the business as I felt depressed following my brother’s death. I did not pay the kind of attention I should have for approximately six weeks and it was amazing during that short period the kind of damage done to the operation. I lost clients and substantial amounts of money. Fortunately, I took quick and decisive action to turn things around and save the business from going under.
I had not paid much attention to church or religion, but the series of events forced me to not only send the children to a neighbouring church but also to accompany them. I quickly re-established my relationship with the church since I had attended it as a child and young adult. I decided that I would not just go to church and be a passive participant, but be involved. I offered my services and was accepted.
It was not too long before I became part of a group of women, generally in the same age range, who sought to do a number of things together, whether in or out of the church. We attended picnics, toured places of interest and even undertook two overseas tours together. But there were two women in the group who had other aspirations. Yes, we were all grown up and with different goals, so this was to be expected.
What I found disturbing was the false outlook they held and promoted. I know that in life we are not all going to be equal, but I do not believe that we should look down on and be rude to others who are not as fortunate financially. We may have some wealth, but may not enjoy good health and at the end of the day the latter is more important.
These two ladies lived a totally false life, pretending to be what they were not. They were anything but compassionate or caring but wanted to be able to rub shoulders with those they saw as the movers and shakers. So it was all about going to this social or that function; it was about drinks and lunch at the brand- name eateries. It was a totally false lifestyle. One of them approached me to borrow some money and when I declined to lend, that turned our relationship sour. Her ally simply ignored me thereafter.
Meantime, I had met a guy at the church who was single and seemed quite nice from the casual conversations we had. He was very active in the church and behaved as if he wanted to enter the priesthood. Our friendship started to blossom and we eventually started to date but he made it clear that he had certain standards and expectations from which he never deviated. He accepted the children and when we went out on Sunday afternoons together, he often insisted that they come along. It seemed as if the relationship was going somewhere, and doing so rather quickly.
We went to Orlando, Florida, on a short break, without the children, and a completely different side of him came to light. He not only wanted us to be intimate, but he also wanted to record our activity on his cellphone. To my surprise, he had handcuffs which he wanted to use on me along with whipped cream and other accessories. I objected and he stormed out, taking his suitcase and belongings. We met at the airport for the flight home. He had even succeeded in getting an upgrade in his flight both from Orlando to Miami and then to Barbados. I said nothing to him. We subsequently met at church but there was no communication.
I did learn that he blasted my name negatively to a mutual friend. Fortunately, that friend and his wife were kind enough to tell me not to worry about him and gave thanks and praise that the relationship did not go too far. I am rejoicing that my dad is doing well and my children are even better. Yes, I am still going to church and focusing on the right things. I must confess that looking for a relationship, especially in church, may not be a real solution.