DEAR CHRISTINE, MY HUSBAND and I have been married for 30 years and he was always the perfect man, believed in total commitment and believed that infidelity was wrong. His first wife cheated, so he knew how it felt and always said that he would never do it to me.
However, about nine to ten months ago, his behaviour and personality changed drastically and I noticed that he took on a lotof traits of a cheating spouse.
After doing some research, I believe that he has (and perhaps still is) experiencing a mid-life crisis. In addition, he has a male friend who has tried to sabotage our marriage and has told my husband that it is perfectly okay for him to cheat. I believe that his friend took advantage of my husband’s emotional state and convincedhim to look for women on the personals, etc.
Though I do not have a lot of evidence, I know that my husband was not the same man that I married. I have tried to talk with him about the whole situation and he refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing. And he thinks everything is perfectly okay now. But I am very mistrustful of him, I am angry and saddened by the whole situation. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me? I would appreciate any guidance you can give me.
– FEELING BETRAYED
Dear Feeling Betrayed,
After 30 years, are you the same woman he married? I’m not saying that you may not be right because often gut instincts are correct, but you don’t offer a lot of evidence, so it’s difficult for me to gauge exactly what’s going on here.
The only solution I can offer you is for both of you to see a marital therapist. The therapist will talk to each of you one on one, confidentially, but that way the therapist may find out what, if anything, is happening. Then with the therapist’s guidance, you may come to a solution.
There’s no guarantee, but right now it seems this marriage is having serious problems, so if you really want to save it, I think it would be worth the time, effort and cost.