I CONFESS: Partner’s weight getting in the way


IN TODAY’S WORLD first impressions count and this is true whether it is in an office, a retail outlet, at an entertainment event or how a vehicle looks. Clearly, features often matter more than performance. This is not only applicable to material things and the world of work but to us as individuals as well.

That is why both women and men must ensure that their outward appearance is as good as their attitude and aptitude. An outstanding individual who is sloppy, maintains a dirty vehicle and looks physically unappealing can be a big turn-off. This is exactly the situation I face on a daily basis with my partner. We have been living together for 22 years and were dating and virtually as one for five years previously. We have had a good relationship. However, I would say over the past three years we seem to be drifting in different directions and the gulf seems to be getting wider. I really do not want her to sail into an open ocean without me; neither do I want to cruise down a river without her. I believe we both have things of mutual interest which connect us in a greater way than separate us. But she is not listening to me, and does not even want me to be frank in my complaints, even if I am respectful when doing so.

My sweetheart is going to be 50 this year and I am just a few years older. In recent times she has moved from being an attractive fussy individual to being a depressing figure. I have complained that her entire body seems to need a makeover. The good thing is that we are not financially strapped and with no children at home can afford to do things for ourselves. I do not have close friends like her so I do not have anyone with whom I would want to discuss this situation.

I know that child-bearing can take a toll on a woman’s body and it is much more difficult to get rid of baby fat than the Hollywood stars would like to make it seem. So it would be normal for a woman to have that excess fat there for a while. However, I do believe that ten or more years after childbirth a woman should be able to reduce if not eliminate that fat around the stomach. Unfortunately, my woman’s belly fat just seems to be getting bigger and more grotesque.

It seems to make her clothing all look as if they are misfits bought from the “odd lot”. Her clothing no longer looks snug and attractive on her and to compound matters she has resorted to wearing a lot of “flip-flops” and shoes which are often inappropriate for the occasion. Then she seems not to appreciate colour coordination. So almost anything and everything which is a misfit seems to be her norm these days.

I have suggested to her to have her hair done in a variety of styles, after working with the hairdresser to ensure the correct ones were chosen. While overseas earlier this year we would see a lady, possibly in her 50s, who was very stylish and sported a wig and then her own hair which caught my sweetheart’s attention. She actually said how much she enjoyed the colours of both the wig and the natural hair the lady sported. I encouraged her there and then to buy one, maybe even two wigs. She looked and looked and eventually decided against it. Instead she bought colour for her hair and all the necessary accoutrements. She brought all of them back home and carefully placed them in a locker. Good night nurse.

But if that was not bad enough, the wide selection of clothing which she bought has become a source of bother. All she does is complain about them not fitting properly and that she does not like any of them after she personally chose and fitted them all. Rather, she has resorted to some tattered old clothing, especially those she wears inside the house. It is disgraceful and I have told her so repeatedly.

We live very near the sea, within walking distance, and I go to the beach at least five times a week, morning or evening, sometimes both. She was once a great fan of going to the sea, but now uses the excuse of her swimsuit not being good. She bought three while overseas, but today prefers to go to the beach wearing a three quarters pants and a swim top with her head covered as if she was participating in some ritual. I absolutely hate it.

I have my faults and many weaknesses. I sometimes drink a lot of alcohol and become tipsy; I would eat and leave dirty dishes in the sink and she likes to go to church while I do not go unless for some special occasion, Christmas or Easter. But I like to be well dressed, and I like to take care of my body, so I exercise and try to keep myself toned and without a big belly, and I try to eat properly, even if drinking some rum creates an issue.

My partner, on the other hand, seems not to understand that a big unsightly stomach, drooping breasts, unkempt hair and sloppy dress are all turn-offs. This is not the kind of woman of whom I can feel proud and want to show off to the world. I fear the situation will only get worse as she is hooked on some friends whose only agenda is one of negativity and anger as their lives have not taken the turn they had hoped for at this stage.

In most cases these are all women with no one in their lives and with little hope of getting anyone. I want the woman in my life to look good and act positive, for these two things do a lot to bring happiness into your life. I know that impressions, and good impressions, not only count, but make a big difference.


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