DEAR CHRISTINE: FIVE YEARS AGO, our son and his wife were divorced after 15 years of marriage. They have two young children.
We live abroad and our visits were limited to two or three times a year, so we were unaware of their marital problems.
They said very little about the reason for the divorce – but we have reason to believe that a poor sex life was the problem, and a brief try at counselling proved futile.
My son and his ex-wife are very involved with the children’s school and sports, and they attend church together as a family every Sunday. We have visited them – together and separately – and have all laughed and reminisced over old times. They seem very comfortable together.
My husband and I are concerned about how difficult divorce is for the children. Since neither our son nor his ex-wife is involved in a new relationship, we feel strongly that they should try to get back together.
Should we arrange a dinner and tell them how we feel? Should we put our feelings into a letter? My husband thinks they both need a swift boot in the rear. We love them both and don’t want to alienate either of them. Sometimes we think we should mind our own business. What do you think?
– GRANDPARENTS WHO CARE
– DEAR GRANDPARENTS WHO CARE:
If you really do care, leave this couple alone. There is a saying you never know what happens behind closed doors. The fact that your son and his ex-wife are good friends now and does not have any animosity between them is a good sign.
However, you have no real idea of why they separated. You may think one thing, but it could well be something else.
If a remarriage is in the works, then so let it be, but they are the ones to decide, not you.
– CHRISTINE
