GROWING UP I was taught that one’s clothes should be pressed, clean, tidy, with deodorant and toothpaste being everyday necessities, but forsome reason that doesn’t seem to be the case these days.
Last Sunday I boarded a van at 9 a.m. and a smell hit my nose that was so pungent, it smelled like old shoes. What was even more disturbing was that it was more than one person that smelled this way.
Then there was last Friday when I went in de bank. When I arrived, about 10 people stood ahead of me, so I prepared mentally for the inevitable hour-long wait. While lost in my thoughts, this thing moved through the air, climbed into my nose and grabbled onto the back of my throat and squeezed tightly, as though it had me in a choke hold.
This smell was so terrible it was as if it took on a physical form. All of a sudden the air get thick and the lights start to dim as I battled to find clean air.
Now, I knew I bathed, so it couldn’t have been me. I had to look to find de source, only to see a big hardback man. Now, please somebody, explain to me why any grown human would smell like a day’s work in the sun at 9:30 in the Lord’s morning?
This smell was so pungent that I start to feelself-conscious as though it was me. I start to covertly check my armpits to make sure it wasn’t me and as I stood in the line I thought the smell was going to stick onto me. If you doubt me ask me.
This always baffled me; how can someone smell so distasteful in the early morning? I mean it aint like yuh work de night shift cause yuh now going to work. And then the schoolchildren that does smell like “guh back he hey” my Lord. It is as though deodorant, soap and water land at Grantley Adams and get turn back by immigration.
Then I began to wonder if this pungent crisis was because deodorant had gone up and water was scarce. So I decided to look at the basket of non-taxed goods, and, as I suspected, deodorant was NOT on that list. I think the Government should revise the list so people can afford to buy deodorant and stop walking around contaminating the air.
With all of this technology I feel someone should invent a micro deodorant that you could fire on a target, in need of hygiene refreshment, without them knowing.
I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.
• Toni-Ann Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: email@example.com