THE RECENT DEATH of that young mother and her husband in what appears to be a murder-suicide brought me to tears. I cried my eyes out because it brought home to me what could have happened to me had I remained in my relationship.
This is why I decided to write my confession.
I want women to know that they should never suffer in silence, and they should get out of any abusive relationship from the first signs of it.
He will most likely tell you he’s sorry after the first beating, and the second, and possibly even after the third one. But after that he would likely blame you for making him so angry that he had no choice but to hit you.
I went through that, so I know what I am talking about.
I was abused 13 years ago by the man I loved.
It all started when we were about four months into the relationship. We were walking and a friend shouted me. When I got home he started beating me, saying I was dealing with the person.
From that day I was his punching bag. He used to beat me just so.
I was young and didn’t really know about relationships. I thought he truly loved me, so I would try to do things not to make him angry. And, of course, I told nobody.
But the beatings continued. The only time he didn’t do it was when I became pregnant. During that time instead of his fists he used his tongue and verbally abused me.
It was so terrible and I felt so bad all the time that it took a toll on my health, so much so that I had the baby at seven months.
Two months afterwards the beatings restarted.
I was beaten with electric wire; carried by a well and told that I was going to be thrown into it; and I was even beaten with a sword about my body.
That was the last straw for me. I wised up and told my parents what was really going on. They informed the police and he was charged.
All that time, my child and I had to hide from him. I was stalked day-in, day-out until we went to court where he was told to keep from around me.
I had to hide for nearly a whole year from him but eventually he was jailed for a couple months. In that time I looked for a job. I got one and started working for my daughter and me. Later, my parents helped me build a house.
Yes, I am happy today, but I will never forget or forgive him for the torment and humiliation he put me through.
I am here now by the grace of God to speak about how turbulent my life was. Looking back, I could have lost my life on many occasions.
Being in those kinds of situations, you look at life differently afterwards. That’s why I would advise those being abused, or those family members who see a relative being abused, to do what you can and get help before it’s too late.
As for the authorities, in my view the measures in place to deal with abusive men are not strict enough. More has to be done to protect abused women. Men have to be made to understand they do not own any woman no matter what they do for them, and therefore have no right to beat them up.
