I OVERHEARD a conversation recently that sent shivers down my spine. It involved two women who can’t be older than 25 years old. I wasn’t eavesdropping or being nosy. I was in the seat right behind them in the ZR and they were talking loudly.
They were speaking about another woman, supposedly their friend. The darker of the two told the other that she felt their friend had a disease as the doctor she was attending treated sexually transmitted infections.
The other girl told the first that she could be right as she heard their friend had infected a man with herpes. That was why she wasn’t on the road as much because the man said he was going to deal with her.
The two of them continued talking about their supposed friend, discussing how many men she had and how she ripped them off. They talked about the things she did to men just to get their cash and said about how dirty she was, and it was no wonder she had herpes.
As they spoke they named people who were supposedly involved with their friend. They joked about how these men must be catching hell, given that the woman was now sick.
They spoke totally oblivious of the fact of how loud they were, where they were, and that their conversation, if overheard by someone who knows one of the men, could spell trouble for him.
What hurt me about their conversation was that they did not know the facts but that didn’t matter. Some of the men who they mentioned are likely married or in live-with unions and what they said – if passed on – would have been enough to cause major problems in those men’s relationships.
I know some people would say a man’s name can only get called when he does something wrong. But for me it is wicked for people to talk about others in such an indifferent manner in public, given the damage this could do to the reputation of the person they are talking about.
Their entire conversation bothered me, too, because they could have been talking about me. I was involved with a young woman for several months before calling it quits after I saw how my deceit was affecting my wife.
My problem was that the more I got into this woman, the angrier I became at my wife for the slightest thing. It was causing us to drift apart but thankfully I had enough sense to realise I needed to stop my infidelity before I ruined my marriage.
What made my affair even more problematic was because I was, and still am, senior in the congregation at my church. So there I was talking about God and presenting one face to members, while treating my wife shabbily because I wanted to get from her what this young woman was doing to me.
I wanted her to shed the near 50 pounds she had put on since having our children, get rid of her grey hair, and become as flexible as this young woman was.
As crazy as it may seem, I wanted this so much that I could no longer stand to look or even touch my wife. She had become fat, old and unattractive in my eyes. All I wanted was this young woman’s slim curvaceous body and the way she wrapped herself around me every time we were together. All I wanted to feel was how she used her body to pleasure me in a way my wife never did.
It was as if this woman had cast a spell on me – I thought about her all day long. In exchange I used to give her what would be considered a small salary every month. I achieved that by forgoing saving money for those months. Yes, pleasure with this woman meant more to me than my family. I was that mesmerised by her.
As I said, what brought me to my senses was how my affair was affecting my wife. I had said a number of hurtful things to her over time like telling her she needs to lose weight, she looked old, she had become boring in bed, and I was no longer happy with our life together. But one evening as I was preparing to leave and go by my woman, my wife calmly told me she would be moving out and taking the children. She said it was clear she no longer made me happy, and she could no longer take my insults. She was no longer prepared to stay where she was not wanted. With that she left the bedroom.
I must admit that that was music to my ears. I said to myself, “At last” because it meant I could have some good sex whenever I wanted it. I went by her house feeling on top of the moon, and I enjoyed myself with her to the max that evening.
On my way home though, I weighed what I was about to lose against what I would gain. On the minus side, I was throwing away nearly 18 years of honesty and togetherness, building a home together, having children together, and being able to talk on just about anything. Conversely, I stood to gain a sex machine, but otherwise we shared few interests. I liked her body and I gave her cash to ensure she was there for me whenever I wanted her – that was really our only connection.
I went home and apologised to my wife and promised to work with her to improve our marriage. I did that because I realised that love cannot be bought; it is something you feel for another person without any inducements. I would suggest to men that they recognise this before they threaten their marriage by having an affair.
