DEAR CHRISTINE, I LIVE in New York but I am thinking of returning home with my husband. However, I have some reservations about doing so.
I left Barbados a long time ago to live in the United States.
Not only did I leave Barbados, but I also left my husband and young son who was just three years old at the time.
You see, Christine, I was very bored with my life. I had gotten married at a very young age (19) and had my son soon after that.
After two years of marriage I became very restless. I realised then that I really was not ready for marriage. I loved my son and while I wasn’t in love with my husband anymore, I didn’t hate him.
He knew that I was restless. I began going out with my friends every weekend and sleeping over at my mother’s very often since she kept my son most of the time.
Hot love affair
One Crop Over, while partying (I was 22 at the time), I met a guy from New York. I was very attracted to him and we began a “hot love affair”.
He encouraged me to come visit him there and I left everything and went up to him.
I never came back.
My husband was devastated.
I felt badly at first, but I wasn’t too worried about my son, since he was left at my mother’s, who did her best to dissuade me from going.
To cut a long story short, the relationship between me and the guy from New York lasted about three years.
After we broke up, (by this time I was working), I started dating a guy from my office.
We eventually got married (my husband had filed for divorce the year before and after it came through, I got married to this guy). He was from Barbados. I was more mature by then and we really hit it off.
Christine, all this happened more than 30 years ago. I am now in my fifties.
I retired early. I cannot say I have had a bad life. I have two children from my second marriage.
Want to come back
My husband and I are still together, but he wants to come back home. At first I said okay, but now I am having second thoughts.
My older son still lives in Barbados. We talk on the phone and I send him clothes. He has even come up a few times but I would not say we are very close.
My mother never forgave me for leaving; neither did my first husband and his family.
I don’t have many friends in Barbados, but my husband assures me it will be fine. This is something we need to do, he says.
What do you think?
I am afraid that we’ll move and I’ll be living around hostility and negativity.
I have not heard pretty tales about the experiences of returning nationals, plus with my situation, it may be even worse.
My first husband still lives in Barbados. He never remarried but he and my son are very close.
– RUNAWAY WIFE
Dear Runaway Wife,
I assume that you and your husband have talked this over and thought this over very carefully. Let him know your real fears.
I believe that once he supports you and that you two have an ironclad relationship, then you need not worry.
Your family this end may be more forgiving than you think. What happened was a long time ago.
Moving back home could be very traumatic, but once that trauma subsides, it can be a very enriching experience.
What is done is done and that is the past.
If that is the only reason you are not excited about coming, then I say, try it, you may like it.
If, however, there is something else stopping you, then you should discuss that with your husband.
Good luck.
– CHRISTINE
