THERE ARE CERTAIN topics you are not supposed to bring up in polite company. Religion, politics, sex and race are examples of supposedly no-go areas if you want to get invited to dinners and parties. Give thanks for those who value their right to express themselves more than their reputations.
If not for the persistence of the non-conforming, hard-headed loudmouths among us, societies might still be sending Christians to the lions, non-Christians to be burnt at the stake, only certain people would have the right to vote, women would still feel guilty about enjoying sex and Bussa would not be a national hero.
Stubborn individuals who will not shut up despite the pressure placed on them by people who are cool with the way things are, help to bring about change. Many people who are celebrated today were considered rabble-rousers at one point. Muhammad Ali was great because he was one of the hardest heads and loudest mouths the world has ever seen.
People get drowsy in their comfort zones. It sometimes takes someone with a head like big-rocks and a voice like an avalanche to make them wake them up and pay attention. If we were learning from the past, the hard-headed loudmouth would have become obsolete. The hard-headed conformists would have realised the value of hard conversations.
Despite the proven value of engaging non-conforming opinions, we like we still ain’t get it yet.
We like the hard-headed loudmouths if they are talking our talk. If they are not, we want to shut them up. If you speak of religion in a manner that does not show total reverence for the Judeo-Christian tradition, you risk being called demonic. If you talk about politics in any manner at all, there will be speculation about your party loyalties. You might get away with talking sex but you have to be cheeky with it and a little juvenile. Any straight talk about sex is dangerous unless it has a religious, medical or moralist tone.
If you talk about race in terms any deeper or more nuanced than Rodney King’s, “Can’t we all get along”, you risk being branded a racist. Yet all these taboo subjects could benefit from the fresh air of some mature, probing and open-minded hard conversations.
Maturity might be the issue. Keeping hard conversations civil requires maturity.
Maturing could be seen as decreasing your attraction to drama and conflict and increasing your ability to deal with them calmly. Immaturity could be seen as being quick to become dramatic and confrontational and slow to resolve conflict.
To the hard-headed conformist, the hard-headed non-conforming loudmouth looks like an immature child throwing a tantrum. They can’t understand the reason for all the drama. Often the hard-headed conformist is like a person living in a house with a leaking roof, but sees no problem because their room is one of the dry ones. Many non-conforming, hard-headed loudmouths would love to spare themselves the headache and sore throat. If only the heads and ears of the conformist were not so hard to begin with.
You have to be really mature to keep using a soft voice on a hard head. Sometimes it makes sense to get loud. But you have to make sure your volume knob doesn’t get stuck up to all, so you can dial it back down if necessary. Beware of becoming addicted to the drama.
Drama is addictive. A good movie draws you in with drama made of conflict and confusion. Drama sells. We are living in an age where the mass media prospers by keeping drama alive and hot. Internet society has elevated memes, throwing shade and online rants way above civil conversation.
The attention and popularity gained from drama encourages us to ramp it up rather than dial it down. And it feels so good to let loose. Hard conversations carried out in a civil manner are likely to be drowned out in the midst of the noise and catharsis. Hard-headed loudmouths are the new norm, the new conformists.
For a generation raised on high drama, what was once called immaturity is called “keeping it real”.
What was called maturity or being civil is now often seen as “being fake”. There may be some truth to this. The popularity of Donald Trump shows that much of what passed for maturity and civility in America was people living quietly in their comfort zone. Once they felt disturbed, a vicious and hard-headed loud-mouthed desire to enforce conformity was exposed. Because of Trump we get to see how a large percentage of America really feels A large chunk of American civilisation appears to have been a fraud. Maybe this criticism is unfair. Maybe a period of pretending to be more mature and developed than you actually feel is necessary in order to really mature and develop. Maybe the willingness of people to be openly hard-headed and loud-mouthed, whether conforming or non-conforming, prepares society to grow.
Maybe this is a necessary stage in the development of a culture where the hard conversations remain civil.
I look forward to the day when hard-headed loudmouths are not necessary, and when hard but civil conversations are the norm. The hard-headed conformist are not ready for that. If and when they ever are, the non-conforming loud-mouths have to make sure their heads are not so hard that they can’t tone it down. Until then, peace to the hard-headed loudmouths who continue to speak their truth to power. Though not ideal and likely to offend, it is not a sin.
Adrian Green is a creative communications specialist. Email: Adriangreen14@gmail.com