“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” – Winston Churchill
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD someone say “I hate myself”, or “I feel like doing something stupid to myself” or on the other hand, “I feel so happy inside” or even “I feel so peaceful this morning”. Those expressions come from your emotional self.
Emotional “self”is often defined in psychology, as a “complex state of feeling that results in physical and psychological changes that influence thought and behaviour.”
Last week I looked at befriending your physical self and reaping the benefits of such a friendship. Your emotional self behaves differently, but similarly offers great pluses if you habitually befriend it.
Your emotional self is an interesting companion that believes it must be with you 24/7. Sometimes it can make you feel glad, other times sad; sometimes delightful, other times depressed; sometimes fearless, other times fearful; sometimes angry, other times amicable. It all depends on the immediate circumstances that may be affecting it.
At periods it seems to have a “mind” of its own because within a short time and without seeking your permission, it can transform your day which may have started out as a pleasant experience, into a painful episode. No matter how you may try, you cannot get rid of it.
Consider with me some desires of your emotional self that may assist you in befriending this sometimes complex friend.
Your emotional self craves a daily diet of peace in order to keep you stress-free.
Genuine peace
If you believe that your purpose in life is to make yourself and others miserable, you will always be in conflict with your emotional self. Being a peace maker gives your emotions a great sense of satisfaction. Furthermore, if you feel that material and other perishable things in this life are a substitute for genuine peace, disappointment may always be your lot.
Three-time Grammy Award winning multimillionaire actor Richard Pryor, confessed how futile and frustrating it was for him depriving his emotional self of genuine peace. He said: “There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything – millions of dollars, mansions, cars, nice clothes, beautiful women, and every other materialistic thing you can imagine. Now I struggle for peace.”
My struggle for peace ended in my late teens when I exchanged my miserable life for the peace the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ offers. For over 40 years I have enjoyed his tranquility both in pleasant times and times of great pressure.
Your emotional self detests digesting negative “nutrients” such as unforgiveness, hatred, bitterness, resentment, anger. It sees them as recipes for disaster because they frustrate the ability to effectively transmit positive nourishment to keep your personality in a healthy state. Author and television speaker Joyce Meyer once said: “I know from personal experience how damaging it can be to live with bitterness and unforgiveness. It’s like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. And it really is that harmful to us to live this way.”
Unconditional love
Your emotional self delights however in feeding on genuine, unpretentious love. This is the kind of love that not only loves when others love you, but also has the ability to reach out sincerely to its very enemies. It is not vengeful or vindictive; ruthless or resentful; mean or merciless but can look beyond a person’s faults and perceive potential.
Unconditional love which seeks the highest good for humanity comes out from the heart of a loving God who challenges us to forgive those who may have hurt us in the past. Though tough to do at times, forgiving those who offend you will free you to live a liberated life. This free, but not cheap gift of forgiveness, pleases your emotional self and gives it the opportunity to help you love both those who are lovely, and even those who may come across as unlovable.
Relaxation
There are some individuals who seem to think that taking time out to rest is a mistake. They believe they have to be always on the go. The result is often an accumulation of stress, if not removed, may eventually lead to distress. Distress has the potential to kill you. High level of stress can attract all kinds of symptoms like depression, fear, anxiety, frustration, hopelessness, insomnia, heart challenges, stomach problems, headaches, and other health related issues.
Speaking from experience, cancer survivor and New York Times and #1 Amazon best-selling author Kris Carr warned that distress on your emotional self can also severely affect your physical health. Therefore, take time to relax. Relaxation can bring calm and serenity to your emotional self which welcomes such times because they are like soothing medicine that rejuvenates the entire personality, and discourages those harmful chemicals that can often infect your emotional well-being.
Taking out some “me time” is not selfishness but wisdom. Your emotional wellness does not rest in the hands of your family, friends, workplace, or even your institution of learning. It is your personal responsibility.
• Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email: [email protected]
