DEAR CHRISTINE, This letter is really a warning to young impressionable girls who may be taken in by older, experienced and unscrupulous men.
For several years I have been involved with a man who is over 20 years my senior. For the first few months everything was smooth running. I now realise that that was the “bait period” during which time he was as nice as possible.
He took me everywhere and gave me everything. Of course, I was too young to see through him and having been brought up in a very strict home, this freedom was heady.
As soon as he had me hooked, he started reeling in the bait. I could not talk to any other man no matter how innocent. I can only go out where he is taking me. We don’t live together but I am often at his place. If he calls my number and it is busy, he curses me and my friends.
My life right now is restricted to working, reading and watching television, which are good things to do but I want more out of life. I like tennis, acting and being around people my age, but any attempt to pursue these activities results in big arguments in which he threatens all kinds of things. He does not trust anyone.
Even my male relatives are suspects and anytime I leave the house, I have gone to “meet a man”.
I know now that these older men who latch on to young girls are aware that their ship is returning to harbour and they are trying to hold on to their youth and show they can still handle business by holding down a woman young enough to be their daughter.
They turn out to be suspicious, overly possessive and their generosity cannot make up for their stifling attitude. I just try to live life as any young person. I would like to be involved in clean, innocent fun but even my love for travel has been curtailed.
So, why don’t I leave him you may ask. It is because I am afraid, that’s why. He has threatened me if I do, so I don’t try to be a hero. These neurotic men don’t seem to be making fun these days. I have made a terrible mistake but hope and pray I will get out in one piece.
– V.H.
Dear V.H.,
Thanks you for your letter which should serve as a warning to young girls giving themselves over to men who ply them with attention and gifts, only to imprison them.
In a situation like yours, you have to be thankful for small mercies and one of them surely is the fact that you are not living with him under one roof. Try and harden your feelings towards his remarks when he calls and you are chatting with your friends. He must be a very insecure man who feels he cannot allow you the pleasure of other people’s company, the playing of games or travelling.
To hold you, he has to bully and bribe. His gifts are the bribes. Once you know you are not doing anything wrong, I would not let him stop you from doing some of the things you enjoy doing. I also hope and pray that you get out of what now appears to be an unbearable situation.
– CHRISTINE
