DEAR CHRISTINE, I am a 42-year-old woman and I have never been married. Most of my friends who are close to me would constantly hear me speak out about my desire to get married. In fact, they wonder why it is that I have not been married before.
The thing is this: My male partner whom I have been seeing for the past two years, has been divorced twice and has made it very clear to me that he does not want to marry again.
I certainly cannot blame him for that, but I think that every relationship is quite different from the one before. I have concluded that my friend may have a problem with commitment or marriage on a whole.
We’re in the process of buying a home together, and I cannot let go of the hope that one day we’ll live in it as husband and wife. It has always been my dream to find that one “right” person and settle down. In my eyes, this man is that special person. I feel cheated that because of his failed marriages my hopes and dreams don’t matter.
He loves me and is good to me, but I have mixed emotions. I feel that having shared an exclusive relationship for two years and the fact that we are now buying a house together means we should be married. Must I accept the relationship we have?
D.L
Dear DL:
Why should you? My answer to you is no. Don’t accept it at all. What I have realised from your letter is that two of you are not on the right page. He has his own feelings about not remarrying and you want to marry.
I think that even buying a home together is a risk you’ll be taking. If he can have you there beside him all the time, why should he be concerned about marriage?
In short, if marriage is what you really want you’re with the wrong person. He will wine you and dine you, but he will not marry you. You are looking for a legal commitment but he is not and if I were you, I would be wary about buying that house with him.
You should discuss this huge financial commitment with an attorney if you intend to go ahead with it, but if I were you I wouldn’t.
CHRISTINE
