Dear Christine,
MY HUSBAND and I were heavy smokers when we married six years ago.
A short time after our marriage, he stopped smoking and for the past four years, I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to join him. We have so many arguments about this.
He cannot understand how I could be so weak-willed as to be unable to stop, when he had so little trouble.
My self-esteem is undermined each time I fail. What puzzles me is that I am so strong about other matters.
I am a disciplined person, and I am humiliated that I am failing where my husband succeeded with relative ease.
– D.S.
Dear D.S.,
Your husband may not have been addicted to nicotine and you are.
Despite all the research done, no one can fully understand the addiction. For instance, why does one individual become an alcoholic while another person can continue to drink moderately all his life? This is not a matter of willpower. It is based on a chemical, as well as an emotional dependence.
For most smokers, the cigarette is a kind of security blanket and the more pressured they are, the more difficult it is for them to give up the habit.
One reason women seem to have a more difficult time breaking the habit is that there are fewer socially acceptable outlets for their frustration and anger. It is generally much more acceptable for a man to swear, argue or express aggression in other ways.
The crux of the problem, however, is one of addiction. Not smoking increases your anxiety and throws you into a state of withdrawal.
Like any other addiction, in order to stop, it will be necessary to get through this painful period. It’s possible. There are many former addicts to prove it.
– CHRISTINE
