DEAR CHRISTINE, Before I act, I would like to talk to you. Since I cannot do so face to face, I am forced to write and hope that you will reply very soon.
I was married very young (18) and it was not long after I learnt that my husband was having an affair with one of my friends.
I tried not to believe it at first, until someone told me where they parked some nights, and I went and saw for myself. From then on, we were cold to each other. My husband tried talking to me, but I would not have anything to say to him.
Eventually, he wrote and begged my forgiveness. He admitted everything but said he was not in love with this girl, that she was always throwing herself at him. I know my friend to be quite a flirt.
When it happened once, she would say things to him to make him think she would tell me and so he went along with her from time to time. He did not want me to know and he had hoped that she would have become interested in someone else and drop him.
Well, now it was out in the open he could tell me all that was going on and how it started and how sorry he is. Well, we made up and, except for a little pang now and then when I begin to doubt, my trust is returning.
Do you think I did the right thing in forgiving my husband? Of course, I am through with my friend. Her name is never ever mentioned between us.
– M.S.
Dear M.S.,
Yes, I believe you did the right thing. If every partner would learn how to forgive, perhaps we would have fewer divorces.
I know it is terrible to be faced with the painful knowledge that your husband is unfaithful. If he is truly penitent and you are patient, the hurt does go away and the trust you had returns. It takes time.
I’ve said this over and over again, but it cannot be emphasised enough, that time does heal. I know it is pretty cold comfort when you are smarting under whatever has caused the hurt.
Try to put the past behind you when it surfaces in your thoughts. Your husband is now a wiser man to the wiles of a temptress, and his love for you and your forgiveness for the past should all contribute to a lasting and happy future.
– CHRISTINE
