True love is when you value your lover’s happiness more than yours, and make their happiness your first priority. – Anonymous
IN A FEW DAYS MANY PEOPLE across the world will be celebrating Valentine’s Day. The colours red and white will decorate many business places in an attempt to lure both men and women to purchase gifts of all types that may win the hearts of those to whom they wish to express their love.
Candy, flowers, cards, jewellery, dinners, clothing and other gifts, some of which come with an impressive price tag, often become the order of that lovers’ day. Merchants are happy as they march merrily to the bank following Valentine’s Day (February 14) every year.
A survey revealed that about 19.7 billion US“love dollars” was spent last year in the United States alone by individuals whose hearts seem to develop a passion to give and receive affection in diverse ways on Valentine’s Day.
History of the day
There are different versions relating to the origin of Valentine’s Day, but there are a few facts on which historians agree. The day has its roots in a Roman fertility festival called Lupercalia that was dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture.
It was not until about the sixth century that Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St Valentine’s Day, which did not take on the wings of love until several years later. But does the day that many lovers celebrate as Valentine’s Day really have anything to do with genuine love, and if so, what does this love mean to many?
Is it the kind that sincerely gives or is it one that centres on getting? How long does this love last or is it one that is fleeting and dies in less than 24 hours? This article may not be able to answer all those questions but may challenge the mind to take another glance at this significant calendar event.
A marriage proposal survey conducted in Britain that involved 10 000 people brought out some interesting possible trends pertaining to Valentine’s Day and how it may be playing out on the stage of many lovers’ experiences today.
The study, published last December 13, was an eye-opener for me and I want to highlight some of the findings that may be food for thought.
Electronic love
The survey showed that the preferred method used by men to ask a woman out on Valentine’s Day is social media. The interesting observation is that the social media method is also appealing to women as well. The findings revealed that 39 per cent of men favour using social media, phone calls come a distant second with 19 per cent, with texting, emailing and face-to-face contact each trailing with 15 per cent.
The questions that surface in my mind are: Is face-to-face communication under threat from the prevalent use of the keyboard when it comes to building relationships? Is it a case of men becoming more silent with the advent of social media?
Is the world cultivating through social media a new generation that is being squeezed into a “silent mould” where traditional communication is being seen as no longer relevant?
Could there be a growing fear among men that hinders them from eyeballing their wives and girlfriends and expressing their feelings? There is yet another concern that surfaced in my mind which pertains to marriage.
If these “electronic men and women” advance to marriage, would they be willing and able to talk with their spouses and children minus their electronic devices?
Social media
Within the last few years I’ve become aware that single men and women, as well as the married, use social media to solve their problems rather than sit down, face each other and deal with the issues.
Although the survey was conducted in Britain, could it be that similar trends may also be evident within our Caribbean region? Taking a closer look by way of research may be worth the effort.
Expensive love
The survey came up with another growing development that may be deterring a high percentage of men from “going out” with a woman because the stakes seem to be getting higher on Valentine’s Day. Sixty nine per cent of single men opt to stay home and watch rubbish on TV.
The preferred gifts for women are a holiday (27 per cent), with a car coming in second place with 17 per cent and spa treatment third with 15 per cent. Dinner (seven per cent) appears not to be very high on the list of priorities.
I believe that a man who loves his wife or fiancée should treat her preciously and specially with both tangible and more so intangible gifts far beyond the Valentine fleeting 24-hour period.
The British survey, however, seems to suggest that men are under pressure on Valentine’s Day to meet a certain female expectation that has its “love roots” planted within the emotional soil of how much she can extract from her lover to make her feel good.
The Bible in the Book of 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 says that genuine love is never self-seeking. Statistic Brain Research Institute in the United States in a 2016 research found that 53 per cent of women said they would end their relationship if they did not get something for Valentine’s Day.
Is it a new trend that love is now being seen more in terms of material things? I hope not.
Since Caribbean men and women have a tendency to mimic the behaviours of developed countries, perhaps it is time for us to seriously examine our motives as it relates to love.
The hard question should be: “Is Valentine’s Day only about what I can get to make me happy at the expense of that special person in my life?” Why not make this Valentine’s Day an occasion when you deliberately and genuinely say only positive things to your loved one.
You may be surprised at the long-term result.
• Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email: [email protected]
