DEAR CHRISTINE, Except for one thing, I have been happily married for the past three years. All during that time my mother-in-law was always quick to tell me how she used to do this or that.
I feel she does not approve of anything I do, but she says what she says with a pleasant smile, which makes it difficult for me to know for sure whether she is offering sincere advice in a tactless way, or whether she is trying to deliberately find fault.
I know my husband is not aware of the uptight feeling I get from his mother’s little sermons on “how to” and “how not to do”. I am feeling particularly anxious now, as we are soon expecting our first child, and I can imagine how she is going to lecture me on taking care of a baby.
Should I stand up to her, or carry on for the sake of peace? Thank God she does not live at us.
– G.A.
Dear G.A.,
I hope even if your mother-in-law tells you what to do, you actually do what you yourself think is best. Somehow I don’t feel she wants to embarrass you, and providing she does not insist on having her own way, you should try not to be overly sensitive.
By the way, I suggest you do not rule out the possibility that she may sometimes have something really helpful to suggest. Sometimes our anxieties about other people ruling our lives can make us overlook some useful advice.
I am glad you have been able to control your objections sufficiently so as not to make your husband beware of the situation. This is likely to worry him, and also complicate things.
Try thinking “she means well” and see if that does not help to take the sting out of your objections.
– CHRISTINE